BRAINDAMNED

2007-04-03T23:53:00.001+08:00

"We shall not shed tears...
for that is the defeat of one's body to one's heart."

"And to us, it simply proves that the existence of one's heart...
is an existence that is beyond our control."

...my fave quote of the moment.

I never knew BLEACH could be sooo poetic....

I'm hooked.

---kzs---

Small world

2006-12-04T00:02:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling my age tonight for some reason. 23 na ko.

argh.

i feel like i just left high school yesterday. the fact that i live so near my old high school doesnt help.
_ _ _ _ _ _

my sister asked me if i knew this guy, who was picking up girls in friendster. my sis is a friendster addict who checks her account daily (unlike me, i only check around once every three months).

anyways, she asked me about this guy who dropped her a message saying that he's a "23 y/o single chinoy, may howe ka na ba?". she checked the profile and found out that he's a gracian. 23y/o would make him my batchmate.

sure enough, he was.

i remember the guy more from our elementary days... i think he failed around high school and got retained. i've always thought that he was quiet guy, kinda shy-type na maloko. i remember that he liked to tease my best friend... i remember that they argued a lot.

so now here he is, picking up my younger sister in Friendster.

freakin hell.
_ _ _ _ _ _

My car was finally picked up... papa-ayos na at last.

ayaw pang maniwala sakin na may probs yung car. well, di na dapat umaandar but when the mechanic came, the engine miraculously started. kainis. pero at least di ako napa-hiya. when the mechanic opened the aircon, the car's horn came on. wahahahaha.

I now feel vindicated.

---kzs---

Travelog

2006-10-25T04:57:00.000+08:00

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD EVER GO TO BOHOL

... at least not until i'm earning my own money already. So I went nUts! when my parents allowed me to go with berna and jacel
... wahahahahaha!

BOHOL

This may sound stupid...

I knew we'd go by plane, but i really didnt know that Bohol was in the Visayas region hehehe...

lookie! cute, ain't it?
... and the tarsiers look nice too.

anyway, the first day was the day tour... we went through most of what could be seen in Bohol... *shrug* small place...

the "hills" were great... looked like God threw down a hundred choc kisses hehehe.

they had a viewing deck where you can see the whole lot of them... you have to climb a frekin' 214 steps to get up there. but the view was fantastic and worth all the effort.

We spent the next few heavenly days...

... on a boat, island hopping... dolphin and whale watching

... lounging on an isolated beach

... exploring the resort

alas. we had to leave the quiet islands and beaches of Bohol and move on to Cebu. We went via the oceanjet ferry...

CEBU

We toured around the city... saw the church and the famed Magellan's Cross.

now i'm not sure if it was the exhaustion of travel or whatevs but i didnt enjoy Cebu as much as I did Bohol.

Maybe its coz of the fact that I grew up in the city and the prospect of being in a city again didnt hold much appeal to me.

Cebu was a lot like Manila, similar enough to make me feel like i was driving around manila... only a manila where I couldnt go back to my house to sleep.

i'm biased, of course.

The only part of Cebu that I really enjoyed was Kawasan Falls.

I've NEVER ever seen a river with water that clear.

(hehe pasig at marikina river pa lang kasi nakita ko)...

after snorkeling at Moalboal beach, we went to Kawasan...

... where we spent the rest of the day swimming in the cold waters at the foot of the falls.

Berns and Jacel went nuts swinging on a rope and jumping into the water. hehe

We were in good company, we met up with some Singaporean churchmates of jace's and made new friends.

Our last day in Cebu was spent in the island of Malapascua...

the beach was nice, but it was just way too HOT that day.

Those two ended up napping... while i took a short dip in the ocean.

We had to leave Malapascua early coz we had to catch our 9 pm flight home, it felt weird, surreal... coz our parents were calling our cels to know what time to pick us up at the airport and we were still on an island off-somewhere in Cebu.

All in all, we had a FANTASTIC time... i wish we could go back there again...

i swear i'll buy a "summer getaway" house near a beach and retire in bohol one day...

(berns promised to work at the health center at balicasag island hahahaha)

---kzs---

Runaway Train

2006-09-06T23:20:00.001+08:00

Hahahahahaha! I just heard the *perfect* song to describe what I've been feeling these past few days...

Runaway Train
-Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night, Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep, So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now, I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

*Chorus*
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
***

Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go; I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it
*Repeat chorus*

Bought a ticket for a runaway train; Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain
*Repeat chorus*

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same...

wheeeeee!!!! hehehe. wala lang, natuwa ako. I know its an oldie... but its perfect.

hay nakow. makatulog na nga!

---kzs---

the week that was last

2006-09-02T02:13:00.001+08:00

ok. i'm less than well rested but i'm better than whatever i was before. (i think)

Sunday:
woke up 3.30 am to take my twin to munoz, where she grabs a taxi to work.

got home around 4am, went back to bed.

woke up when mom opened the door at 6.30am... she started gesturing with her right hand saying her entire right side was numb and she was having a stroke and her head and back hurts... i stared at her a few seconds, told her she wasnt having a stroke coz she was still standing up, still able to walk, her right hand was moving, and she was still talking to me normally.

then, as i rolled over to go back to sleep, i thought 'what the heck, check it out, just in case'... so got up got a penlight and immediately went to her room.

made her lie down... checked pupils, checked sensory of right side, checked prox and distal motor of right side, checked strength, checked facial symmetry. no probs, all normal. she says her whole right side feels numb, the right side of her throat hurts, having trouble breathing, headache at the right side, and backache. told her i'll get meds, but says no she wants to lie down. fine. i woke my younger sis (nursing) told her to watch mom. i went down to take a bath coz i hafta go to east ave. dad came home.

just finished bath when i heard dad calling. grabbed a towel and ran up. saw mom puking/choking/coughing. seems she tried to eat crackers and drink water but puked/choked it out. told dad to take her to hosp already, that it was a bad sign coz it means she was having probs swallowing. dad says that i can take her after i get back from east ave. (stupid idiot! pissed me off! grrr.) fine. so i told my sisters to get dressed, i got dressed, and i told him that we're taking mom right away to the hosp ourselves. he then got dressed AND says he's going along and he's driving.

got to the e.r., got mom in, told sisters to fill out papers, then dad tells me to DRIVE HIM BACK HOME coz he hasnt slept yet. i drove him back home, then i drove back to the hosp. its only 9 am.

stayed till 12.30, she was admitted, impression of transient ischemic attack (cool, her tongue deviated to right!) so we got a room which we'll get by 2pm. drove home to grab clothes and stuff. sisters called, hungry, need food. got home, dad's up, wants me to wait for him to finish bath then DRIVE HIM somewhere. i waited. drove him. bought food. got to hosp, where i was scolded coz i took too long. its 3pm. got room. in room by 4pm.

twin already there straight from work. with sisters. relatives started calling. answered all. went home around 11, left youngest overnight. got home, ironed uniforms, slept around 12+.

Monday:
got up at 5am (had a bad cold, runny nose and all) , bathed and out of the house by 6am, drove sis to Golden Acres behind SM North, (got caught by MMDA, no car reg sticker, but let me go) drove to hospital. relatives visit. stayed till 11. drove to school, crammed for exam. took the exam. (miserable before, during, and after the exam) drove home, fed by twin, ironed uniforms grabbed clothes for youngest and took to hospital. youngest stayed overnight. got home by 10. stuck car reg sticker. woke nursing sis to make her do report. helped a bit. slept by 12.

Tuesday:
got up 5am, nursing not done, bathed, dressed in uniform, took nursing to golden acres. drove to hosp. there by 7.30. youngest went to school for exam, i stay with mom. aunt supposed to come by 9 to take over. have PD at 10. no aunt by 9.30, texted classmates. stayed in hosp. (lied to mom, told her class was cancelled) youngest back by 10am, aunt came 10.30. stayed till 4pm. drove home, fed by twin, drove back to hosp with clothes and food for youngest, took nursing with me. youngest overnight. relatives visit. drove home with nursing, slept by 11.

Wednesday:
got up by 5, bathed and dressed, told nursing to commute to Golden Acres. drove to hosp, let youngest go to school, stayed and changed into uniform. waited for nursing, who came at 11.45, drove to school, ate a bit at caf, snapped at people. attended a 15 min "quiz", did CPC till 5.30pm. ironed uniforms, brought change of clothes for 2 younger. drove to laundry shop, picked up clothes, drove to Jbee, bought food, drove to hospital, there by 7.30. argued about who will stay to fix discharge papers the next day. stayed till 10. drove home, asleep by 11.30.

Thursday:
up by 5.30 (overslept), texted classmate will be gone for PD. youngest has exam, nursing sis cant cut. got dressed in uniform, drove to hosp, got pulled over outside the hospital by police for coding, confiscated my drivers license. got to hospital, napped til 8am, went down to pass papers, waited till nurses called us. called us to settle at 1pm. Settled the bill by 1.30pm, drove mom home by 2+, got to UERM by 3pm, in time for feedback. Miserably failed. (too numb to care) Attended patho lec, did CPC till 10pm+, drove around looking for an open Mercury drug store. spent 5k on mom's meds. home by 12.30. too tired to eat, didnt eat the whole day... slept.

Friday:
woke at 11, twin's day-off. dad borrowed car. (texted people, wasnt goin to school coz i need rest) mom hungry and theres no food. gave mom meds. my head was spinning, went out on foot with twin to buy food. home by 12.30, brought food up, got scolded, fed mom, mom pukes it all back out. says try again later. got cleaned up, went down. did chores, forced by twin to eat by 1.30pm. I slept a bit after, woke at 2.30pm, ran to bathroom and puked out my entire lunch. cleaned up after. twin made me lie back down, gave me something to drink, let me nap. awoke at 4. went to check on mom, got scolded. went down watched some tv. ate dinner. checked on mom, wants food, went back down, seems we finshed the food. called for delivery, came after an hour, brought food up. got scolded coz it was late. gave her meds. sisters came home, fed them. slept by 11pm. (wahahaha grabe, pumasok nalang sana ako baka nakatulog pa ko sa UE)

Saturday was more or less a repeat of Friday... with less scolding coz i refused to go to her room except to give her meds, even then i sometimes just hand it to younger sisters and let them give it to her.

thats it. seven days of pure exhaustion, torture, worrying, rushing, mind-numbing, spirit-crushing, hell.

and to top it all... my mom is still not well, still puking after meals, still having headaches, still cranky... and refusing to take her meds (she has to take 7 pills in the morning, 5 at night)...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

---kzs---

dead on my feet and pissd as hell.

2006-08-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

even my writing skills are gone. cant string enough coherent thoughts to make a decent narrative. !@#$%.

Sunday morning my mom had TIA. i havent slept well after that. they (mom, dad, sisters, the hospital etc) basically ran me ragged and i still hafta keep up with schoolwork... i wasnt in the mood to be civil. my nerves are frayed and i snap at anything that talks. talking annoys me when i'm tired. texting too. i know everyone means well... i appreciate it and all... i do the same "sympathize, empathize, can i help?, i'll pray for you" thing when a friend has a sick loved one... i mean it when i say it too... but my natural temper shows when i'm too tired to control it. just too exhausted to care.

keep away. will recount what happened to mom last sunday when my dysfunctional brain has gone off "search and destroy" mode.

as of now, i am not responsible for any and all possible damages anyone incurs during this time.

Business as usual

2006-08-21T12:19:00.000+08:00

hay sana 1 week ang vacation. the thought of going to school tomorrow makes me want to crawl back into bed.

research... minicases... tutorials... legal med exam ( na nilagay pa sa lunch break kaya you cant even look fwd to eating lunch..) ... PD papers... argh!

that does it, i'm goin back to bed.

_ _ _ _ _ _

back to normal na nga pla blog ko... (nababawasan ako ng readers kasi kala nila maling site) hehehe

---kzs---

TOXICEYZ: Patient Profile

2006-08-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

Identifying Data
M.I.C. a 23 yr old female, single, Roman Catholic, was presented for the first time at braindamned on Aug. 5, 2006.

Chief Complaint
Acute aging and maturation of 24 hrs duration.

Source and Reliability
The information came from speculation and gossip mentioned by her friends with fair reliability.

History of Present Illness
The patient was apparently well until 7 years PTA, the patient was "institutionalized" at the Royal and Pontifical University. She was immediately singled out for her boundless intellectual capacity and fun loving personality. A 'crush factor' of 10/10 was also elicited. Typical days were associated with O-C studying with occassional movie and malling breaks. Back then, the mode of transportation was the manual manipulation of the lower extremites with assisstance of public transportation.

5 years PTA, the patient was periodically exposed to a high dose of 9 quirky friends. Treatment included movies like Super B, Jologs, and American Adobo. Patient can be found under the umbrellas manipulating dead cats and sharks, with occassional consult with said friends. There was a (+) 'crush factor' of 10/10. Mode of transportation was driver-assisted vehicular transport with occassional assisstance of public transportation.

2 years PTA, the patient has mild toxicity from overstimulation of neurons at a Medical Facility. Detox regimen included rowing a boat around Lake Manila Zoo. This was punctuated with occassional roadtrips to Alabang and Pansol with concomitant swimming and karaoke "I-WILL-SURVIVE" sessions. Patient was also treated for a mild "text talk" (slip na u?, 2log na me. hehe) affliction via late night kada dinners and chika sessions. Mode of transportation was self reliant mechanical manipulation of a vehicular device, with occassional use of public transportation on color-coded days.

1 day PTA, the patient was seen with a high elevation of toxic subjects. Patient presented with mild anxiety related to stress due to the coming shifting exams. Apprehension to turning 23 was also noted. Due to this serious condition, patient was admitted to Braindamned@Hello Kitty.

Physical Examination
Vital Signs
RR: 28
PR: 80-100
BP: 110/70

General appearance
gorgeous, coherent, ambulatory, you'll be in respiratory distress

HEENT
pink conjunctivae, anicteric sclerae, big brown eyes, intact tympanic membranes kaya mabilis sa chismis, no cervical lymphadenopathies (unless may chikinini ka jan na d namin nakikita hehehe)

Chest and Lungs
equal chest expansion, clear breath sounds

Cardiovascular
will increase your regular rate and rhythm, no murmurs (wala kang ma-say), distinct S1 and S2

Abdomen
flat (payat), normoactive bowel sounds

Extremities
hands of a pianist, model's legs, no edema, fast capillary refill

Neurological Examination:

Cranial Nerves
I - (+) victoria's secret and marks and spencer perfumes
II - (+) ROR, pupils 2 mm, reactive pag may gwaping na dumadaan
III,IV,VI - normal EOMs,
V - good masseter tone, pero mabagal kumain...
VII - no facial asymmetry except pag galit or may sumpong
VIII - intact gross hearing, mabilis sa chismis
IX,X - uvula at midline
XI - good shoulder shrug, mas lalo na pag ayaw nya dun sa umaakbay
XII - good articulation, tongue at midline, madaldal at maingay pag kasama 'kada

(+) "crush factor" 10/10

Plan of Management:
Dinner with the egroup... 1 rescue dose of braindamned insanity...
Ibuprofen (Advil) 200mg prn, then call me in the morning.

Professional Fee = libre mo ko starbucks! hehehe

_ _ _ _ _ _

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOXICEYZ!!

matuwa ka sana, puro barberong kalokohan na to! hehehe lam mo nmang tamad akong gumawa ng comprehensive na imbento, pero since malakas ka sakin... exception na to' wahahahahaha!

sobrang daming px profiles na nagawa ko... namatay ang creativity ko... hanapan niyo nga ako ng MUSE... di tuloy ako mka-reply agad kay mika nung nag-ttxt, la ako ma-isip nun eh.

hay... 3am na... bangag na ko sobra... zzzZZzz...

---kzs---

12am

2006-07-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

i cut friday, and spent the whole day napping and reading a book.

saturday was no better... i spent it running a few errands and watching mindless cartoons on tv.

sunday was a bit productive, went to east ave for research. but afterwards, i ran a few more errands... then wasted the rest of the day watching Mad TV spoofs and parodies of music videos and popular sitcoms on YouTube.

i was gonna study for the surgery exam on monday morning. then classes were suspended. (why oh why, dammit, did it hafta be a monday?! it could've been a tues or thurs! what a waste of good suspension... hehehe )

so today, monday:
i ran out to buy stuff... spent the rest of the day watching jdoramas... i'm addicted now... i might start building my own collection of jdorama series... maybe match bern's collection of koreanovelas hehehe

ye gads, what a waste of time.

i regret nothing.

---kzs---

~~ just got a text! tuesday suspended! wheeeeeeeeee!! the Lord wants me to study surgery....

The Ring: A Short Story

2006-07-10T20:39:00.000+08:00

There are 8 symbols etched on my ring, the one I wear on my thumb. I must admit, the ring was bought out of novelty... it can spin, adding to my already growing list of subconscious mannerisms. My sis made the ring more endearing... in a sudden 'flight of fancy' triggered by a stray comment, she gave meaning to the symbols.

'did you notice the order of the symbols? the sun, the moon, and a star... kinda like what a guy would promise a girl...'

"hinde, ganito yan no, (takes the ring)...

----

"Ibibigay ko sayo ang araw... ang buwan, at ang mga bituin sa langit..."

para sayo, aakyatin ko ang pinaka- matarik na bundok...

kahit umulan ng yelo...

o may bagyo man... lahat tatahakin ko."

totoo ang sinasabi ko, tamaan man ako ng kidlat...

kunin man ako ni Lord..."

_ _ _ _ _ _

awwww....

we're all just waaaay too cynical for romance... *sigh*

kawawa ang mga chihuahua.

---kzs---

What If?

2006-06-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

ang susunod nyong mababasa ay pawang kathang-isip at kalokohan lamang. parental guidance is advised (i'm about to unleash a partial force of my insanity to the world!!!!! wahahahaha!)
. . . . .
med students are said to have O-C components in their personalities, else they wouldnt be good docs. so technically, being an OC is a normal, integral part of being a med student. but what if we manifest more than OC-ness? would we still be considered "normal", if the other personality disorders took over?
. . . . . .
Scenario: a noisy classroom; the president of the class is trying to make an announcement...

the president is PARANOID
Pres: "announcement!... (class quiets down) We will be having a lecture tomorrow at 8 but I will be moving around the venue until the last minute...
classmate: "bakit naman?"
Pres: "baka ma-infiltrate tayo ng spies from section A! kailangan nating lumaban! pinadala sila ng U.S., ng CIA para makasigurong walang Pilipinong doktor ang makarating dun!"
classmate: "may Pilipino naman sa section A, pano mo nasabi yun?"
Pres: "they're working for the enemy!! wag kayong maniwala, yun ang gusto nilang isipin nyo!! phil-am ang presidente nila! basta, the venue for the lec will be texted tomorrow... burahin nyo agad kasi may self-destruct yung message..."

the president is SCHIZOID
Pres: (just talks normally in front of the class) "announcement, we will be having a lecture at 12-2pm tomorrow." (sits back down in the corner)
noisy class: "ano raw? ha?, paki-ulit nman ung announcement"
Pres: (from the corner) "we will be having a lecture at 12-2pm tomorrow."
class: "wala tayong lunch? kausapin mo nman ung prof..."
Pres: "wala tayong lunch. kayo nalang kumausap sa prof. wala akong paki. basta sinabi ko na ung announcement. bahala na kayo."

the president is SCHIZOTYPAL
Pres: "good morning everyone! tomorrow, we would have our daily stroll into the complexities of the human mind! our exceptional professors would be gracing us with a beautifully rendered powerpoint presentation at 3pm."
class: "saan yung venue?"
Pres: "doon tayo sa CA, mas maganda ang CHI flowing through that room, its like, the spirits of all the med students who studied there are guiding us and helping us make a more telepathic connection with our professors."

the president is DEPENDENT
Pres: "uhm.. class, eto na ang vice president para mag-announce..."
VP: "ok class, may choice daw tayo ng lecture time and place, saan nyo gusto?"
class: "kayo na bahala basta maaga tayo umuwi"
Pres: "ha? kayo na magdecide please... sigurado kayong ok lang? baka mali ung ma-sched namin eh, baka may mag-reklamo, may ma-hassle... si VP nlang mag-aayos... pag may problema, punta kayo kay VP..."

the president is BODERLINE
Pres: announcement! hoy class, makinig nman kayo... bakit nyo ko binoto kung ayaw nyo makinig? ganun ba ko ka-walang kwenta? pipigilan nyo ba ako pag tumalon ako sa ilog sa likod ng ospital?
class: (tumahimik) nakkinig na kami! wag kang ma-depress. sige na, anong announcement?
Pres: sasabihin ko lang nman na napa-payag ko ang mga prof na mas maaga tayong pauwiin eh...
class: YAY! galing mo naman! we love you!!
Press: "hahahaha! Of Course! I'm The Best! hahahahaha!... ... sandali, may announcement pa, hoy makinig kayo... please... bakit ba walang nakikinig sakin?... tatawid na ako ng Aurora nang naka-pikit... "

the president is HISTRIONIC
secretary: People, settle down. Here he is... our Prrresident! ... OLIVER!!!!

the president is NARCISSISTIC
class: "bakit wala na tayong sched buong sem?"
Pres: "pinaayos Ko. Gusto kong March-May ang class eh."
class: "ha? summer break yun eh?!"
Pres: "kaya?! AKO ang PRESIDENTE!! AKO ang masusunod!!! ayaw mo?, MGA KAWAL! PUGUTAN NA YAN!"

the president is AVOIDANT
classmate: "kausapin mo nman ung prof, para ma-resched ng mas maaga ung lec, un lang pasok natin eh"
Pres: "ha, ikaw na, baka magalit sila sakin... ang 'demanding' ko naman."
classmate: "ok, ako kakausap, i-announce mo nalang sa class"
Pres: "ikaw nalang, baka isipin mo kinukuha ko credit ng pag-kausap sa prof tapos sabihin pa ng mga kaklase natin na 'feeling president' ako..."

the president is ANTISOCIAL
class: "bakit di mo sinabi na nag-resched ang 8am class natin?! galit tuloy ang prof!"
Pres: "ha? nakalimutan ko eh, inaasikaso ko pa yung classroom natin for today. dun pala tayo sa ana amphi..."
class: (punta sa locked ana amphi) wla nmang class dito eh! nasan na ung Pres? san ba talaga tayo?!
classmate: "nakita ko kanina sumasakay nang taxi, mag- wwall climbing daw siya sa Rockwell."

what if I was the president? Personality disorder-NOS (not otherwise specified)
~bwahahahahahaha!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

for aubrey, who is currently feeling the stress of being the president of the class... para ma-detox ka muna.
. . . . .

hehehehe... i was reading peronality disorders in kaplan when i got the idea for my blog for you... ayun. enjoy.

---kzs---

"There is a land..."

2006-06-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

"There is a land, called Passive-Aggressivah, and you are their Queen..." -Derek Shepherd to Addison, Grey's Anatomy
_ _ _ _ _ _

Psych, I feel, is pure SPECULATIVE thought. Short of outright dissing it, I'm not sure if i'm willing to consider it a legitimate branch of medicine. Its just way too full of loopholes... diagnosing patients seem part guesswork and data manipulation, etc. *sigh* Do we really need to study this? (if I became a psych doc after all this pessimism, ewan!)

I was listening to the personality disorders audio rec, and the descriptions can fit just about everybody i know. I could narrow people down to a few categories but everyone has a personality disorder.

*BTW, sabi ni berns, when this was being lectured, she overheared Albert and Oliver looking for me (hehe, nag-cut ako). according to them, I fit the profile of a schizo. bwiset kayo.*

Anyhoo, the topic was intriguing so i actually read up about it in Kaplan. No, I am not a schizo... turns out, I fit the profile of passive-aggressive, under Personality Disorder NOS.

accdg to Kaplan,

"... people with passive aggressive personality disorder are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubborness, and inefficiency. They characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuse for delays, find fault with those on whom they depend; yet refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They are not direct with their own needs; they fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them, and may become anxious when forced to succeed (?!?) or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. Persons with the disorder lack self confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future..."

hahahahahahaha....

oh well, i'm DOOMED.

---kzs---

Line 1

2006-06-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

matagal na akong di sumasakay sa LRT line 1. Nung huling napasakay ako sa line 1, token pa ang ginagamit at may non-aircon tren pa dun. tandang tanda ko pa... sa sobrang sikip ng nasakyan ko... nakalabas na ang katawan ko sa station platform, ung bag ko naipit pa sa loob ng sandamukal na taong nakasiksik sa tren.

kala ko may pag-babago na. wala nang token sa line 1. segregated na for male/female/senior citizens ang mga coaches. nag-chcheck na ng gamit para sa bomba. siguro naman wala nang overloading.

ANG ENGOT KO TALAGA.

sa sobrang pagod, naisipan kong mag-LRT line 1 para mabilis akong maka-uwi. Baka kasi pag nag-jeep ako, makatulog ako at makarating kung-saan.

sa pag-akyat palang nakita ko na ang GRABEng siksikan sa tren. naisip kong ok lang, ilang minuto lang naman, 5 stations away lang... kayang tiisin ang sikip.

pag-sakay palang mali na, nakapasok ako pero ang mga kasunod ko ipinilit isaksak ang katawan nila para makasakay. di na nagsara ang pinto... sabay pilit silang pumasok pa ng konti para di sumabit ang pwet nila at mka-sara ang pinto. (totoo to.)

alam nyo ba kung gano ka-sikip? ha?! HA?! BUMABA AKO after 2 stations palang ang nadaanan namin para HUMINGA lang ng ilang minuto sa station bago ako muling sumabak sa tren... (oh yes, feeling ko pag-baba ng lahat ng mga tao sa "end of the line" ilang katawan rin ang ma-ddskubre nila)

sa sobrang sikip:

may nakabuntis na sakin di ko pa rin alam.

sa sobrang sikip:
magkamag-anak na kaming lahat sa tren.

sa sobrang sikip:
nagka-TB, STDs at contact dermatitis na ko.

sa sobrang sikip:
pati mandurukot di kayang i-singit ang kamay nya para mag-nakaw.

PORKBUNporkbunPORKBUNporkbun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

sayang UP Manila trip... di rin kami sinipot ng dr. Wala pa ring nangyayari sa research namin. Oh well. nag-bonding nalang kami sa RP (T, Anj, April) kulit rin pla... kawawa si T. hehehe

---kzs---

Shhh....i'm hunting WABBITs

2006-06-13T23:44:00.000+08:00

My insane sisters couldnt resist. they saw these two kewt wabbits and they fwell in wuv. they eawch had a "pewsonawl pwefewence"name for w'em.

Chi
hewe, sweetie... hewe tweetums

San:
bwix... cmon bwix..
fwootsie... hewe fwootsie...

ed:
here brix, here take two...

wets fweed them fwowers and cawwots and stuff... awww they'we sooo kewt... wet's bwush 'em and pet em...
_ _ _ _ _ _

elmer fudd is gay.

---kzs---

Do not take life seriously, after all, no one has ever come out of it alive. -Bugs Bunny

Licensed to Drive

2006-06-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

bakit ba maraming nag-dududa sa driving skills ko? ha? di ko naman kasalanan na lagi akong na-babangga eh! I'm INNOCENT! I'm actually a good driver. I follow road rules (most of the time), I dont text while driving (kinda), I dont drink and drive (tubig lang), I wear my seatbelt...

ahh... yan... ahh... thats my new handheld GPS system?...

no, i'm not reading.. that's a.. uh.. uhm... a roadmap.

di ako natutulog, nasilaw lang sa araw noh!

ehehehe freestyle driving po...

ahehehehehe... wala lang, parang lahat ng kilala kong may car may "porma" pics of them sitting in the car with driving poses wearing shades.. well, this is my version.

---kzs---

T.I.R.E.D.

2006-06-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

I just came from the hospital. Me and San (my sis who's taking up nursing) decided to come home and give our other sisters a chance to take care of mom for a while. we could use some sleep. a cumulative 5 hours of sleep after 2 days is probably not good for me. (pero heto ako, nag-bblog.)

we had to drag mom to the hosp. yesterday after she lost consciousness in the bathroom and hit her head while trying to vomit. ayaw pa nya nung una... after she puked in bed and lost consciousness 2 more times, well she was in no condition to argue. maybe food poisoning. *sigh* too exhausted to think of other possible differentials. thank God my twin was home and didnt have work that night. shet lang, I cant carry my mom... she can... kinda.

I found out a couple of things:

>>When I'm exhausted. my brain generates answers w/o my conscious permission.<<

We all know the drill, patient Hx, etc etc. but we're usually doing the asking. My mouth forms the right answers while I'm trying to restrain my brain from making "wise guy" quips:

Smoker? Drinker?
(Hinde, teacher.) "Hindi po, walang bisyo."

May Hx ba sa family ng HTN, DM, high blood?
(tb, heart probs, neuro... hoy, day, kulang ka pa...) "Wala pong DM, HTN po father's side nya, tpos may Hx ng heart probs lahat ng bros nya."

>>When you're known as a med/nursing student, people expect that you know as much as a licensed practitioner.<<

aunt: Nagsusuka nanay mo? bakit hindi mo binigyan ng First Aid?? wala bang gamot na pwedeng ibigay para di na magsuka? isang doktor tapos isang nurse... (disappointment in her voice)"

Tinginan lng kami ni San.

(first aid?! ng unconscious patient? duh, tilt head to the side pra di ma-aspirate ang vomit.. we already did that. ano pa ba gagawin namin?! elevate legs? nge. tpos ng-vvomit? gamot... hellooo?! nagsusuka nga eh! how the hell is she supposed to keep down oral meds?! huh?!? huh?! want us to choke-feed our unconscious mom oral meds?!? argh.)

!@#$%^&*?!@#$%^&*!?!

pagod na ko after an exhausting night of calling dad, relatives, etc para mdala sa hosp nanay ko. mad rush to the e.r., arranging for a room, staying awake just in case she pukes again, etc etc. sansan's now behind me collapsed on her bed- dead to the world.

I needed to vent. (haay Mats, i needed to call you... was going to... kya lang may work ka the next day... and my ranting can wait. it wasnt serious, just typical pissed off ranting.)

haaay.

and to top everything off, I LOOK and FEEL like CRAP.

PORK - BUN !!!!

---kzs---

p.s.
my dad took us to the hosp... stayed 30 mins, then left. (to eat daw pero di na bumalik) we understand. he hates hospitals/blood/docs/sickness. and he cant function in a crisis without mom. but still... i cant help wishing he took control instead of looking lost and making us take charge. shit. he did call though, around 2am to check up on us. we do understand, but i guess i'm still royally pissed.

[UPDATE v.2] Temporary Reprieve Assignments

2006-05-26T03:57:00.000+08:00

my last progress report for the summer. 1 week to go and may pasok na. looking back at the month parang nasayang ko ang opportunities...
_ _ _ _ _ _

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang. FAIL!
tagal nawala nung inet ko eh. wla akong nagawa. di ako maka-update. katamad mag-sulat tapos mag-lipat ng isang bungkol sa blog. parang biglaang maraming update, di na exciting.

2. lose weight. FAIL!
current weight: still 130lbs. walang kwenta. i cant shed off the 10lbs!

3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting. PASS!
still a bum. no change.

4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may. PASS!
had a hair cut! around chin-length na hair ko. tpos ngpa-highlights ako. pero langhiya ung bading ayaw nya lagay ung color na gusto ko (red-violet) ang kulit nya, nakipag-away pa. yoko kasing i-bleach ung hair ko eh. tapos nung kala ko ok na, cra ung gaga... ginawa pa rin ung gusto nya?! bleached my hair tpos reddish-brown nilagay imbis na ung gusto ko?! sarap sapakin kya lang mas malaki muscles nya sakin... grr... ok lang mas maganda ako!

5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager. PASS!
i am still, officially, a geek.

6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me. FAIL!
hehehe di pa rin tapos.

7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...) FAIL!
its a disease! i'm allergic to the sun! aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! it BURNS!!!!! nooooo!!!!!!!! hehehehe

8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks. PASS!
weeee! tuloy tuloy ang brainless entertainment! buti game lagi si isah...

9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week. FAIL!
no money/no lakwatcha

10. reduce candy intake... argh... FAIL!
bumili si khriska nung fave chocolates ko kasi may sale... i cant stop eating 'em...

11. will take up a sport or instrument. FAIL!
wla na, tinatamad na ko...

12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer... FAIL!
daming plano, wla pa ring natuloy

13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training... PASS!
have to attend training sessions ng volunteer firefighters and pass the paperwork... wlang oras ung kasabay ko eh, but i'm still a member of the wa-chi veterans assoc.

14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe. FAIL!
dapat ko nang kabitan ng metro ang kotse ko...

---kzs---

(parang wla pa rin akong napala... shet dapat nag-summer classes nalang ako...)

Text Talk - a conversation

2006-05-22T02:26:00.000+08:00

for isah. (natandaan nanaman kita and your txt encounters with... ehehehehe wag na patayin mo pa ko...)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

"kumain na u?"
(napatingin ako sa kapatid ko) "huh?? 'who ARE you and what did you do with my sister?!"

"baket?"
you used TEXT TALK!! on ME?! sacrilege!!!!!

"anong text talk??? ~ha?! whadidisay?!"
duh? 'kumain na u?'

"nge... so?"
so its bad!!! text contractions nga napupunta na sa mainstream life... pag nag-ttype, sulat, etc. di na marunong mag-spell mga tao. pati ba naman pagsasalita...

kumain na u
oo, eat na me

wait u jan ha? punta na me.
kk ingats u

"hahahahaha! di naman ako ganyan noh!"
but you slipped! yan na ata tagalog version ng mga airhead-bimbo-american impressions --"like, y'know, we should be, like, in the mall having our nails done or something." (sabay jiggle of the boobs and flip of the hair)

"yah, like, pay attention driving, like, we might hit something y'know..."
che. basta. you know what I mean.

here na me, san na u?
late me eh, hintay u, lapit na me.

"some people think its cute, parang pa-sweet nga dating eh"
ahhh ewan!!! dpende siguro. ok lang minsan pero pag ganyan mag-text ALL THE TIME? pano pag bad-mood ka? its like someone laughing when you're having a bad day! it frustrates the hell out of me... if I EVER go for a guy who texts like that, bonk me over the head with a cell phone... sweet can get irritating after a while. anyway, we're predisposed to diabetes, we cant handle sweets for long. (laughs)

"sure, sure. tingnan lang natin..."
sira! kaya nga tirahin mo ko ng cellphone eh! landline kung di ako madala!

"hahahaha! sabi u yan ha? hahahaha! pissed na ba u? near home na ba us? wahahahahaha!"
grr. che! (change topic) oi, tinanong mo ba si ed kung pano naging sila? I asked her kung pano nanligaw yung guy-- sabi ko- "ano? tinanong lang ba nung guy: 'ikaw na ba? ako na ba? tayo na ba?' ?!" hehehe... natawa ang bruha. tapos sabi niya basta raw approve na ang friends niya kya naging sila. i thought that was DUMB. so sabi ko- "ano ngayon kung approve sila? sabi lang ng friends mo 'BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY OUR FRIENDSHIP I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND!'?"

hahahaha di na tumigil sa kakatawa ang sira.

"hahahahahahahaha!!!! u na, me na, we na?"
tama na nga yan. I shouldnt have brought it up. 'shut up na u, baka ma-pissed na me... ma-waiting u ng jeep der sa kanto.'

---kzs---

Just so ya'll know...

2006-05-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

I absolutely hate hate HATE blogging in a net cafe.

yes. for the past 4 weeks... WALA AKONG INTERNET. @#$%^&!porkbun.

i finally found out what happened, naputol dahil di pa nagbabayad. the check was already issued but the guy who collects the payment hasnt picked it up yet. kaya naputol. ARGH.

san ba bayad center ng destiny cable?! ha? ha?! ako na mag-aabot! waaaaaaaahh!

ONE WHOLE MONTH no net... my blog... di ma-update... my mail... clutterd with 90+ unread messages... no gaming... no music downloads...

so now here I am... i got a possessed mouse (it wont go where i want it), a keyboard with a broken 'N' key (you hafta pound it real hard to get it to type) and this idiot to my right is glancing at my screen trying to read what the hell i'm typing.

i absolutely hate hate HATE blogging in a net cafe.

---kzs---

*all updates will be published pag may net na ulit ako. swear. babawiin ko lahat.*

- Nyt -

2006-04-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

There is something in its calm... the quiet unknown that holds shadowed mysteries... dreams... The night seduces me. The open window brings a deafening silence... and with it comes a cool breeze that caresses my naked --

di ko kaya magsulat ng erotica.

wag na nga. tulog na ko.

g'nyt.

[UPDATE v.1] Temporary Reprieve Assignments

2006-04-22T03:06:00.000+08:00

haaay. wla akong net. wlang kwenta. will publish all pag meron na. still doesnt deter me from writing though. wla nga lang maka-basa. oh well. this is the first of the two updates i plan to write. just to check if i could actually accomplish anything this summer. as of now, this is my progress report...
_ _ _ _ _ _

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang. FAIL!
hey, i still have a month to pick up the slack... but w/o my net... i'm useless.

2. lose weight. FAIL!
current weight: 130lbs. i'm hoping to bring it back down to 120-115lbs...

3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting. PASS!
chicken lang to', i'm naturally lazy anyway hehehe pero sayang tlaga, dapat nag-apply ako sa Grace... mdali lang nman ung work eh...

4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may. PASS!
still have long-ish hair... no color yet.

5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager. PASS!
OMG! took me a WEEK but i did it! i finished all 47 dvds. i am now officially a geek.

6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me. FAIL!
yeah, yeah... so kill me. I got through a few chapters before i got bored. but i still have a month!

7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...) FAIL!
i like the night... so quiet and peaceful. i cant help it! better start taking pills...

8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks. PASS!
this one's fun, no probs! wala na kong paki, solo man o may kasama basta mka-nood! hehehe.

9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week. FAIL!
eh ang hirap lumabas kung wla kang pera eh... grr... teka, kasama ba pag na-utusan lumabas para bumili ng tinapay?

10. reduce candy intake... argh... PASS!
but the craving is still there. i hope i dont binge in the end...

11. will take up a sport or instrument. PASS!
nag-bbadminton na po ako. at least once a week.

12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer... FAIL!
daming plano, wlang natuloy

13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training... PASS!
yes, pending na ung sa volunteer firefighters, and member na ako ng wa-chi veterans assoc. (not by choice...)

14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe. FAIL!
pag ayaw ko raw ako mag-bayad ng gas... no choice talaga...
_ _ _ _ _ _

I'll probably have one more update near the end of next month. until then eto na muna.

---kzs---

Women and Workout

2006-04-19T01:39:00.000+08:00

i thought i was more "butch" than most. but i guess not.

my 'get fit' summer resolution is finally underway. my sisters wanted to suffer with me so, ok, fine. we cruised around looking for a "decent" gym or fitness club we could join.

"decent" can mean oh-so-many many many different things....

punta kami sa gym#1, along del monte
pros: mura lang membership, malapit sa sakayan ng jeep
cons: mukhang manyak ang trainer, sobrang lapit sa mga pondohan, baka ma-harrass kami ng tambay (accdg to my sis)

gym #2, banawe cor. retiro
pros: reasonable membership fee, female trainers, may spa, and maraming "eye candy" na nag-wwork-out.
cons: mejo maliit lang ung place and its SANDWICHED between an Ice Monsters and Fat Boy Pizza... talk about temptation... but who cares, right?

gym#3, along retiro
pros: ewan di kami nag-tagal
cons: we had trouble finding a parking spot, then when we got to the place and opened the door to inquire, we stopped dead in our tracks- assailed by an OVERWHELMING wall of smell (think: sweat, old socks, B.O. in varying combos) AS IN, grabe, na-hinto kami, looked at each other then turned around to walk out without inquiring.

I guess we narrowed our criteria to these:
1. hindi 'mukhang manyak' ang trainer
2. 'malinis' ang lugar
3. ok ang equipment
4. *no sweaty-socks-b.o. smells*
5. maluwag (hindi kayo mg-hahawaan ng pawis pg ng-eexercise)
6. malayo sa temptation
7. hindi 'mukhang manyak' ang mga dumadayo doon

so far, isa lang ang mejo umabot sa standards namin ng mga kapatid ko. fine. nakita ko lng yung boxing ring, wall-climbing at jacuzzi... ok na rin ako. hehehe

---kzs---

Holy week to 7th Heaven

2006-04-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

this entry is dedicated to my most avid reader... the most excellent divah, owbreeeh! (i'm not wortheee! *bow*)
_ _ _ _ _ _

holy week again. absolutely NOTHING to do. the malls are closed. restos are closed. ang bukas lang within the radius of my house ay ung Mighty Mart, Pan de Manila, at yung Sta Teresita Hosp. grabe talaga, ito lang ang bukas na 'hotspots' dito samin. so tumambay muna ako sa pan de manila. bumili ng tinapay. haay.

i havent watched TV in more than a month... nothing good is ever on anyways. kaya sa pag-kakataong ito, nakipag-sapalaran muli ako sa mundo ng local entertainment. (in other words, di ko maagaw ang remote sa nanay ko na nanonood ng channel 7 at Qtv. shet.)

nakatulog rin ang nanay ko tapos nyang pababain ang IQ ko sa panonood ng 'Show Ko' ni Ethel Booba and her wonder badings. sa wakas, na-agaw ko rin ang remote. at nagsimula akong mag-channel surf.

tapos kong panoorin ang mga replay ng crime/suspense... wala nanamang mapanood. dumaan ako muna sa Nick at Cartoon Network bago ko na-realize...

oh Lord, matanda na ko. nawala na ang appeal ng cartoons.

bigla kong nakita ang yearly 7th Heaven marathon ng Studio 23. nanood nanaman ako. di ko mapigilan, i dont know why... it draws me like a moth to a flame... and so, I learned, since last akong nkapanood ng 7th Heaven:

si Matt di pa rin doktor, pero may asawa na (at may tiyan na rin, wla nang appeal...)
si Mary nanganak na (pero di siya pinakita ever sa mga episodes)
si Lucy ay may asawang pulis at buntis na
si Simon matanda na (wla na ring appeal kasi nakakalbo na... =/ )
si Ruthie lintek may jowa na
si Ashley Simpson nandun pla... at blonde ang buhok
may 'boarders' sila sa bahay... parang lahat dun ang tambay
ung pastor nila dun nang-agaw ng gf ng iba (kala ko good values ang 7th heaven?)

ang 7th heaven pla walang kwento at walang kwenta...

mano-nood nlng ako ng Cleaningpad Rectanglepants sa Nick... mas may sense.
_ _ _ _ _ _

lintek, bukas ang starbucks at icebergs sa banawe!!!! waaaaaahhh!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!

---kzs---

The proverbial apple and the tree

2006-04-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

Most people find me eccentric. I can't help it. I guess its part of the uniqueness that is Me.

But its not entirely MY fault.

I blame it on the environment... I blame it on my upbringing... I blame it on MY GENES.

I am the Product of two EXTREMES. (picture: Angel + Devil = Adam Sandler's Little Nicky)

Mom is sensible and practical. A kindergarten teacher. Nice, down to earth...

DAD however, is another ENTITY. He's extremely mischievous and unpredictable. more like the "attack of the alien chinaman from the 6th dimension"

===ooo===

Pa: nakita na ako ng mga classmates mo?
kzs: Oo.. (he's asked this a zillion times)
Pa: anu raw? Pogi raw tatay mo? pogi? parang kapatid raw?
kzs: ... uh.. hinde... iba tinatanong e... (yeah i know, saying "Yes" would've shut him up... WHAT WAS I THINKING?!)
kzs: bakit daw hindi kita ka-mukha?
Pa: ba, malay ko?... kung kani-kanino tumatabi yang si Mama mo...
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(during dinner at a chinese resto)

Pa: Kain kayong lahat gulay (while trying to put veggies on our plates)
us: ayaw... ikaw nag-order nyan, ikaw umubos
Pa: (while putting veggies on Mom's plate) ito, sayo na Tanda, para maganda ka
(I thought Mom was gonna kill him then)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(at the Megamall G2 Show...)

Pa: may camera kayo?
us: wala kaming dala e, bakit?
Pa: (with a stupid grin) sabi sakin nung tatlong chicks na pink ang buhok pwede raw picture, pwede raw akbay... (promo girls ata ng Priston Tale)
us: . . . ?!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(while talking about a younger sister's suitor)

Pa: hindi pwede! tapos muna college bago ligaw ligaw!
kzs: eh Pa, pano kami tapos na, ibig sabihin pwede na? (we were just baiting him...)
Pa: Oo, kayo pwede na, pero pa-approve muna ako
kzs: kailangan ba chinese?
Pa: hindi naman, check ko muna apelido nila (I dunno what he meant)
kzs: (gulat kami) so pwede kahit Pilipino?
Pa: hindi lahat. depende.
kzs: depende saan?
Pa: apelido rin.
kzs: ????
Pa: Pwede Ayala, Zobel, etc etc etc... (ah ewan bwiset!)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

(while trying to help endear my sis' bf )

kzs: ok nman taste ni edz eh...
Pa: pano mo nasabi ok? bata bata pa boyfriend na?!
kzs: may itsura nman ung lalaki...
Pa: ano itsura?
kzs: mejo hawig mo nga eh! ayaw mo nun? pogi?
Pa: aba, tanong mo sa nanay nya bakit ganun...! bakit kamukha ako...?

===ooo===

*sigh* I probably got my stoic demeanor and control from my mom... pero nasa loob ang kulo.

---kzs---

Temporary Reprieve Assignments (a.k.a. summer vacation 'will do' list)

2006-04-13T05:46:00.000+08:00

matters discussed subject to revisions at any time.
(considering its 4.30 am and i'm typing this before i go to sleep)

I, kzs, of the sleep deprived mind and out-of-condition body, do hereby declare that this summer

1. blog updates as often as possible, kahit wlang kwenta lang.
2. lose weight
3. will not take summer job offers, no matter how tempting.
4. haircut but no radical hair color changes until may
5. finish watching all 7 seasons of Star Trek Voyager
6. finish reading Katzung even if it kills me
7. fix sleeping pattern from 7am-1pm to 11pm-6am (i'm currently in violation...)
8. watch a movie at least once every 2 weeks
9. will go out of the house at least thrice a week
10. reduce candy intake... argh...
11. will take up a sport or instrument
12. will leave the city at least once the entire summer...
13. join an org... i hear the chinese charity volunteer firemen are looking for new recruits with 1st aid/ med training...
14. will refuse driving family members 'round w/o compensation hehehehe

i realized that this will be my first/last summer vacation so i should stress the vacation part... i was gonna get a summer job, good thing i changed my mind... i might just string up mom's hammock and sleep the summer away...

gawd... headache... blurry vision...

better sleepzZzZz....

---kzZzZzs---

Vocandabulary 101

2006-04-08T14:11:00.000+08:00

I'm compiling my mom's terminologies in the hopes that someone would enlighten me...

(adj) talipandas/ taliban
guess definition: pasaway, matigas ulo?
used in a sentence: Hoy babaeng talipandas! telephone!

(n.) bru (bruha)
guess definition: nickname nya samin ni edz pag na-bbwisit cya
used in a sentence: Bru! bumaba ka na para kumain!

(n.) pa to tang (chinese for cement mixer)

guess definition: nickname nya sa kapatid ko pag frustrated cya

used in a sentence: Pa to tang ano ba yan, kya ka tumataba eh!...

(n.) kweng kweng

guess definition: accessories
used in a sentence: Bawasan mo nga yan, dami mo nang kweng-kweng.

(adj.) toknengneng (tama b to?)
guess definition: idiot, bobo
used in a sentence: Para kang toknengneng ano b yang gnagawa mo?

(n.) chihuahua
guess definition: general term for any persistent suitor / bf naming mgkakapatid...

used in a sentence: Sabihin mo nga sa kapatid mo na tama na telebabad sa chihuahua nya sa phone!

~ to be cont'd... bka dagdagan ko pa to pag sinipag ako... =) ~

---kzs---

Why me? Why med?

2006-04-06T01:28:00.000+08:00

My youngest sister is about to start college this year. Time flies extremely fast. The occasion got me thinking about my own long interminable education and unfinished career.

Few uerm peeps know this... but since I've left high school, I've never had a full summer break. I've had summer classes ever since I started college at UST. Hangang 1st year sa ue hindi pa rin ako nadala. In short, wala pa akong buong summer vacation for the past 6 years.

Never pa akong na-delay (a conundrum, until now) laging 2nd sem ang bagsak ko kya pwede kong i-summer. Tinanong na sakin yan ng guidance counselor ng UST, sabi nya tingnan ko raw ung mga sched ng subjects, bka may pattern daw sa mga binabagsak ko. Pero mejo alam ko nman ang rason kung bakit ako ganito.

I never really wanted to become a doctor.

People may not perceive it, but I'm a deeply spiritual person. I pray before making decisions. And in choosing a college, I prayed that if I got into UST, that will be my 'sign' that the Lord wants me to go into med.

Ang hirap ng bio. I started questioning my being there. I became content with just 'passing'. In effect, I was sabotaging myself. Subconsciously, I know that if I get delayed, i'd shift to an easier course. I was waiting for an excuse. But I never got delayed. Ang galing... weird, laging sabit. As every failure I got pulled my pride down a notch, I learned to cope. I know that failure doesnt mean the end, and I learned to accept what comes. So I finished bio, with a lot of lingering doubts and a disgracefully tarnished transcript.

I applied to UE and got in. But I wasnt willing to commit myself to a lifetime of studying, neither was I eager to join the daily grind yet. So I chose the more familiar of the two. As usual I prayed for a sign... this time, a butterfly, an insect that I would hardly notice. Then I resigned myself to the possibility that I was destined to join the workforce. And so, a week passed and nothing. I wasnt going to make any move without my 'sign'. It was three days before UE starts classes, I was home alone watching TV when a girl with a big butterfly print blouse came on. I started laughing. And enrolled the next day.

My first year at uerm wasnt any different from my UST bio days. It was hard for me to believe that the Lord wanted me to become a doctor. I didnt think I can handle the responsibility... I dont want the responsibility. I did well the first few modules, then my doubts started to resurface. I had to take removals for 2 modules, if I failed both, I'd be delayed or kicked out. As usual, I only failed one... and had to take summer classes. But i'm still in. Still on time.

So that was the 'pattern'. I decided to test it. Which was why (to the confusion of some people) I was doing better this 2nd year. It was hard, working to raise my grade after 5 years of habitual slacking off, but I managed to do slightly better this year. I had no removals in any of the modules. I had some probs with OSCE and PDII but basically, I was ok.

I was stubborn... still am. but since I dont want to get swallowed by a whale or turned into a pillar of salt, I choose to believe this... however outrageous it may sound. Maybe I'm only supposed to reach 4th year. Maybe I'm destined to save only one life, then die in a car wreck. Maybe I'm supposed to become a missionary doc to Africa. Ewan. So I learned to give in and let go.

I may never really get rid of my doubts... but I learned to enjoy med life. I've allowed myself to think that maybe, I can become a halfway competent doc. The idea does have some appeal.

Either way, I'll try to do better from now on. Med school is horrendously difficult. It's nice to speculate that the Lord is on my side.

---kzs---

I'm FAT =(

2006-04-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

hoookay. I've always liked the way I looked. I'm not really the type that feels insecure about my body. I never really minded the few extra pounds that I put on since I started med. I love to eat. I dont mind the weight gain... I have a fast metabolism, I can lose it fast if I wanted to.

PERO SHET LANG.

when your old college profs comment on the weight you've gained... ARGH. you know you've got a problem.

tumaba daw ako sabi ni Ma'am Javier =( (and nung socio prof natn... sori, forgot the name... ) muntik na raw nya akong di mamukhaan. waaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!

ok, ok. alam ko. malaki na ang braso ko, bilbil ko, etc. masikip na ang uniforms ko. pati mga lumang pantalon ko, halos di ko na masara. pero mukhang ginawa ko nang rason na ok lang sakin tumaba, dahil TINATAMAD akong magpa-payat. bwiset.

*sigh* time to lose the pounds...

---kzs---

2-week stretch

2006-03-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

2 weeks more and we're through 2nd year.

i'm almost afraid i'd screw up. pessimism saves my sanity. i havent failed anything. yet. 2 weeks- too long to ensure my safe passage through 2nd year. i'm straining my leash as it is. a day had already passed. but it feels like a second. and a zillion hours loom in the distance. i dont want to believe that this will end. its the waiting i cannot abide. these 2 weeks will be the death of me.

or liberation.

til then, with bated breath...

---kzs---

V-day Anniv! Wheeee!

2006-02-14T23:53:00.000+08:00

This marks the 1st anniversary of my V-day "Secret Admirer".
(see last year's post: >HERE<)

Of course si "Secret Admirer" may heart-shaped gift nanaman.

AND may konting effort... may love letter with PICS pa! wahahahahaha!

Grabe, big surprise! Nakaka-tawa sobra. bentang-benta talaga.

the best talaga... wahahahaha!
(di ko na sama ung pics, mag-imagine nlng kayo.)

"hoping for your kind consideration..." OMG di ba? sobrang romantic?! Sarap batukan. hehehe.

Yoko na. baka may masabi pa akong iba...

TE AMO!

---kzs---

just feel better.

2006-01-25T02:55:00.000+08:00

JUST FEEL BETTER

She said, I'll feel stranded, And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planned it, I've got a key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know; Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
But I don't, I don't, I don't; Cause it never worked before
But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

*chorus*
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through The haze around me
And I'll do anything to just feel better
I can't find my way, God I need a change
And I'll do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

She said I need you to hold me, I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me, And who doesn't ignore,
That my soul is leaking

And I know, I know, I know; Part of me says let it go
Everything must have its season
Around, around it goes; Everyday's the one before
But this time, this time,
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

*chorus*
==> Santana feat. Steven Tyler

**********
haay grabe.

what happened to my life?!

its really not supposed to be like this...

argh.

---kzs---

Random Conversations 1

2006-01-11T18:43:00.000+08:00

(i was reading my christmas gift to myself, Murakami's Kafka on the Shore... i plop down on the sofa...)

san: kamusta?
kzs: ok lang, its... insane.
san: insane good or insane bad?
kzs: dunno. its like listening to a respected but very old professor's lecture, malalim at feeling mo may sense pero di ka sure, baka drugged lang or senile na yung prof... pero parang naiintindihan mo kahit hindi. is that insane good, or insane bad?
san: but you like it.
kzs: bakit mo nasabi yon?
san: because you like it. you like insane.
kzs: maybe. i'll reserve judgement 'till after i finish it. dito na ko sa part where the 15yr old kid had sex with the 50 yr old lady who might be his mother, tapos the old guy who talks to cats killed Johnny Walker... you do know why i'm telling you this, right?
san: yeah. so that i'll want to read that book. pero tinatapos ko pa nga yung bio ni Watchman Nee di ba? nakakatulog ako eh.
kzs: kung boring eh di dont finish it.
san: i promised myself i would.
kzs: ahhh ok. i understand. its one of those. bagal mo mag basa.
san: so... kamusta na ngayon?
kzs: its insane.

_ _ _ _ _ _

(in the car on the way to bball game, 1-9-06, 8:15 pm)

kzs: chi, ok lang ba sa may Jbee Q.Ave nlang kta i-baba? late na ko...
chi: oo na, oo na.
kzs: sure ka? makakasakay ka ba?
chi: oo nga sabi eh.
kzs: i dont know why i'm going. we havent won a game yet.
chi: ba, malay ko sayo.
kzs: d'you think we'd win if i dedicate the game to you?
chi: uh, no.
kzs: what if i dedicate the game to mom?
chi: ha?
kzs: y'know, maybe if i tell the other team that i'm dedicating the game to "my mother for her birthday" tomorrow, they'll pity us and let us win...
chi: haha.... no.
kzs: bwiset ka. could you at least pray that we'll win this game? or at least one game? crap ka...

_ _ _ _ _ _

(after dinner, the night after mom's bday... and "day 2" na walang tubig ang village...)

ma: (opens the faucet in the bathroom) may konting tubig, bantayan nyo yung balde... sarado nyo kung puno na. (goes to kitchen)
kzs: ma, kuha mo ko cake...
ma: che, tumayo ka. (opens the ref)
kzs: sige na, hati tayo...
san: naririnig lang namin ung aquarium e.
ma: (sits at dining table, eats cake)
kzs: oi! you peeeg!
ma: (mouthful of cake) anong pig? pig ka jan, you oink oink!
san: ... oink oink?
kzs: ... ?!?
kzs: thats not even an insult! mas malala ba yan sa pig?! oink oink?!??? it that even a word?!??
san: yung pig mo parang frenchman... peeeg!
kzs: better than oink oink no.
ma: (tune of Old McDonald had a farm) ... here an oink, there an oink, everyday an oink oink...
kzs: -everyday? di ba everywhere?
ma: ... everywhere an oink oink...
san: ...
ma: mga vocabulary yan ng nanay mo noh, pag di na ko ganyan magsalita hindi na yun yung nanay mo.
san: ok. pag na-kidnap ka ng aliens, tatanungin ka namin kung pano mo kami d-describe...
kzs: (turns to san) patingin nga ulit... parang ang laki lalo ng mata mo sa bago mong salamin... it looks nice. para kang girl.
san: hindi ba ko girl dati?!?
ma: malaki nman talaga mata nyan no. (turns to san) ok na yan, nag-mukha kang mas mature... para ka nang eggxacutive...
san: eggxacutive???
kzs: now that's not even a word!?!! at least "oink" is a word...
ma: (stands up and turns to leave, stops near the bathroom) oi pakinggan nyo yung tubig ha.
san: bakit, may sinasabi ba?

<--- END OF PART ONE --->

---kzs---

My Sack-of-Rice

2005-12-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

hay naku. typical. My father cant be depended on to pick up my Mom's year end free 50kg sack of rice from the rice dealer. Malamang the chore drops down to me. Again.

And as it so happens, we're out of rice. hahahaha. I had to pick it up this afternoon. Vwiset.

I dragged my younger sis along, she also has a free 25kg sack from the school for working part time as a scouting instructor, thank God its the same school as my mom, one rice run is enough.

I was contemplating ways of making the 50kg sack easier to carry into the house. The 25kg was easy, i figured me and my sis can carry it. But 50kg was another matter. I wished I had a set of bros instead of sisters... or maybe a gullible boyfriend. *sigh* whatevs.

I was running ideas through my sis, like, maybe we can convince the dealer to give us the 50kg in fifty-1kg sacks? wahahahaha that'll piss my mom off. Or maybe I can borrow one of their workers for a while... or maybe two-25kg sacks will be easier? Anyways, I ended up just taking the damn 50kg sack, I could just ask my dad to carry it in. haay....

We got home early enough, the two of us dragging/carrying the 25kg sack in first. The priority was dinner so we used the 25kg sack first and left the 50kg in the trunk of the car. Mom was happy, thats good. After dinner, I asked her about the rice in my trunk. She told me to ask dad. hahahahaha right! oh well. He told us he'll do it the next day. I have classes! An exam even! I hafta bring the sack along?! its a waste of my gas! crap.

Then mom had the idea of carrying it in. Ourselves. A fifty-yr old, a twenty-two yr old, and a nineteen-yr old. females. I was opposed to the idea. It was already PAST 10pm, my car was parked OUTSIDE, IT WAS A 50kg SACK OF RICE, plus we'll look real stupid. I'd rather bring the thing to school and waste gas. But the idea already took root and grew dumber. She wouldnt listen, and my sis wasnt opposed to the idea. I guess I'm the only one who has any sense. So i popped open the trunk...

SHET it was HEAVY. It took the three of us to lift it out of the trunk. (for those who have been to my house, you can imagine the distance between my car parked outside and the door to the house) Okay. Step one done. The sack of rice is now sitting in the road behind the car. Now what? I'll carry the "head", my mom will carry the "legs" (its her idea, let her suffer)

We had barely moved two steps when IT HIT. my mom and my sis... they started laughing... mom dropped the whole thing on my feet, which made them laugh more... ara-ouch!... then i started to laugh too. Mom started explaining... she thought it was funny... three females carrying a sack of rice in the middle of the night... and herself around 50 yrs old...

So, there's no way of carrying the damned sack in now, all of us were in a "fit of the giggles"... mom tilted the sack to its side and started "rolling" it toward the gate. My sis started helping her, it looked really stupid and I was laughing so hard to be of any help... which started them laughing. My mom kept saying the "rolling" would work, i keep telling them it wont, so i just stayed on the sidelines "supervising/laughing". Not my idea. Bhala sila.

... when they got it near the door, i got the floor mat and held the door open. After they got the thing on the floor mat, I dragged the whole thing to the kitchen (think: blanket drag from Red Cross traning bwahahahaha!). Mom was still laughing... but she was glad i got that thing to the kitchen: "I didnt raise no stupid children, ha... masakit na likod ko... oi hilutin mo ko, hihilutin kita..."

whatevs. All I know...

my genes are twisted.

---kzs---

Quirks

2005-11-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess everyone has 'em. But I realize that some of my own personal eccentricities are unique.

I probably wont reveal all of 'em here (yuck bare my soul daw hahaha)
I'll mention a few. Its part of my "how to alienate friends and win weirdos" campaign.

1. I dont like being in the direct line of the electric fan.

2. I sometimes sleep with 4 layers of blankets. kahit mainit. wla lang.

3. I like to bathe with hot (not warm) water. Its the temp. between "bearable" and "scalding".

4. I listen to 98.7 DZFE, The Master's Touch every morning at the start of the day on the drive to school... and during that time no one can talk in the car while I'm driving or I get real pissed. (its my personal "shut-up-I'm- ~~~~~~~" time hehehe)

5. I only use tomato based ketchup... banana ketchup is weird. (yellow ang banana bakit red ang banana ketchup? ahhh, basta.)

6. I compulsively check my email before I leave the house. (except weekends, I check before i sleep.)

7. I wear my ring on the thumb kasi istorbo between the fingers. (I know, i know, why wear a ring at all?... ewan.)

8. I am not fond of chocolates. I eat chocolates, but I am not fond of them. (i only eat certain "types")

9. I dont use/answer the landline. Its a childhood phobia. I dont order food/deliveries on the landline. I need to know beforehand who i'm gonna talk to if/when/before I use the landline. I use a cellphone or none at all.

10. I drink Sprite most of the time, not because I like it, but coz it feels "safer". (hey, it looks like water... )

humans arent supposed to be rational anyway.

i thought, therefore, i think...

---kzs---

Friends and Friendster and post-Nov. 1 moonies

2005-11-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

Haaay grabe. I was looking through my Friendster acct (the one I hadnt touched for 2 months) and I felt like fixing up my profiles page, maybe messing with the new opts... putting in a music video for good measure...

then I started reading all the old testi's that my friends wrote me.

Scrolling through them, I was thinking... "Damn! I got good taste choosing in friends... hehehe..." (yabang!) I cant really be this insane-booklover-weirdo-nice-cool-great-girl that these seriously misguided people I call my friends were trying to sell to potential Friendster browsers.

*Sigh* I miss all those insane folks.

The last in the list was the first (and so far the best) ever testi that I approved, the one written by my best friend.(aaaaaw...)

Jasmin, Monday, October 20, 2003:
kriszia is someone i could never afford to wage war with. why? 'cause she knows me too much... and i just know she'll use those sensitive secrets for revenge. :) seriously, kriszia is the most cynical person i know. she claims to have no heart, no emotion.. but i know better. behind that sarcasm lies a girl with compassion and generosity to her peers and loved ones. uncover the mask and you'll see a woman molded with fortitude through the pains of family struggles and triumphs. she scoffs at trivial nuisances 'cause she knows what true anguish is, and how to survive without leaving a scar. and she covers her feelings with protective strength for what she keeps inside is much to be treasured and only right to be guarded passionately- hidden is a heart tested through time and a love that can only be showered on the one who truly deserves such priviledge and such joy. we became friends because of chance. we becames allies out of family crisis. but we became sisters because of shared souls, shared experiences, and shared grief. people who have come to know her are very lucky to have encountered the amiable version. but for those unfortunate ones who came across the evil side, i hope they're still alive (or willing to live). very complex and resilient, that's what she is. and knowing her makes life a little more interesting, and even more fun. for those of you who still don't know her,patiently wait your turn. the girl only has so much time, and she needs at least 20 hours of sleep a day. the other hours are for reading. so wait in line. or you woudn't know what you're missing. 'cause surely, she wouldn't miss you.

o di bah?! lufet!!! awww shucks. after reading this, I forgot all about fixing my Friendster and started on a blog entry instead. I still havent met anyone (not of blood kin) who knows me this well. I'll probably marry the first GUY who gets even remotely close to this. (yeah, right. wahahahahaha!)

when I made a Friendster acct, I swore to forego QUANTITY over QUALITY. Suffice it to say that I only ever approve people that I actually know.

I may never have a bulletin post with a "1st acct FULL add me up in my 2nd acct ~~~@yahoo.com... blahblahs" not unless i got more than 500 actual friends with accts.

But looking at my "friends" list... *sigh* it does a heart good.

Its probably people like me that'll eventually bankrupt Friendster. =)
_ _ _ _ _ _

Mats,
If ever I die before you do...
I'll save you some trouble...
you could re-use this as your eulogy...
but I want you to at least memorize it...
think of me...

and recite it...
or rather...
sing it...

to the tune of the BEAM song.

ROFL!! sadista ako, remember? wahahahaha

---kzs---

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2005-09-25T13:06:00.000+08:00

I'm currently under the process of revamping my blog layout... I removed all my posts for that purpose.

Check back in a week or two (or a MONTH maybe) for my new layout. Till then you could mess with my tagboard. hehehe

---kzs---

Horoscopes and whatnot

2005-09-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

wow. I'm impressed. and I thought FRIENDSTER just writes random vague predictions for their daily horoscope. I might've been just as impressed with "... its gonna rain today..."

This is just too weird and coincidental for comfort.

I just spent the past few hours ranting about the shallowness, immaturity and insensitive cruelty of some people. I was getting tired of the usual nonsense "issues" that people seem to enjoy. I was thinking of making a stand... (I grew a moral conscience as a side effect of the migraine I was nursing yesterday, dunno why) and wondering on how to go about it. I'll probably look like a hypocrite IF? and when? I do make a reaction, but its gone on for far too long. I'm ashamed of myself for being a part of it -however passive I was, because I let it happen. Crap. Dumb. Stupid. Idiot. Its too early for me to offend people, i usually keep my temper TIGHTLY reined in. I promised my mom I would. (if people only knew how volatile it is... bwahahahaha!) But I've been having problems recently... **.m.ust..*...kee.p*...*th.e...HULK...*i.n** bite tongue, swallow retorts** Turn temper into endothelial injury, grow atheroscerotic plaque/s... die of M.I.

serves me right.

**sigh**

and just in case people think they know what I'm all about...

I'll end this with a tired, old quote:

"to ASSUME makes an ASS of U and ME."

---kzs---

Hark, What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks?...

2005-08-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

... it is the Sun, and ....

?!!??!??!?

oh crap. di nanaman ako na-gising for school...
_ _ _ _ _ _

I think I have a sleeping disorder. probably narcolepsy.

I'm serious...

... being the med student that I was, I actually did some research. I was searching through the net for possible stuff that could match up with my symptoms, "differential diagnosis" and all that shit. narcolepsy tlaga lumalabas.

Narcolepsy is a chronic sleep disorder with no known cause.
The main characteristic of narcolepsy is excessive and overwhelming daytime
sleepiness, even after adequate nighttime sleep. A person with narcolepsy is
likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and
places. Daytime sleep attacks may occur with or without warning and may be
irresistible. These attacks can occur repeatedly in a single day. Drowsiness may
persist for prolonged periods of time. In addition, nighttime sleep may be
fragmented with frequent wakenings.

I also got this link that says I'm high risk, I got around 5...
http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/HRA/SleepDisorders/1,21884,,00.html

I also got real bad insomnia... the worst was when i stayed awake for about 6 hours just waiting to fall asleep. 3am na ko tinamaan ng antok... and I had to get up 6.30 am for class.

maybe it'll pass like it had before. or maybe not. I really need some sleep. I constantly sound like a cross between a drunk and an addict. I cant stay awake in class... I cant focus... most will argue that I've always been like this, but maybe my "weirdness" isnt normal...

or maybe this is nothing... maybe I'm ok and just stressed... or maybe all the med exposure has turned me into a hypochondriac...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _

Ang tagal nman bago mag sem break! gusto ko nang umalis! w/o worries! even if its only for two weeks, blessing na yun...

I'm looking forward to two weeks of staring catatonic into space...

---kzs---

SOLO

2005-07-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

I desperately needed a break last week. I dont really know WHY... but for some reason, I wanted to do SOMETHING.

I tried to organize a get-together but the kada is uber busy nowadays... UST Med must be hell. Perps must be hell. Canada... uhm, err... ehehehe.

...would that make UERM, heaven?

whatevs.

so I just got frustrated and decided to do something I hadnt done in a while.

come Saturday, I watched a movie ALONE.

I asked some friends once if they've tried it. Some said they can eat alone, shop alone, etc but a movie, solo?... "only guys do that..."

uh.... whatevs.
_ _ _ _ _ _

I like getting lost sometimes. I get in my car with no direction and just start driving somewhere, anywhere. no plans. just... drive.

I usually end up in a mall. I park, walk around, and... observe people with other stuff to do, knowing I myself could just stand there all day. I like having no plans... feels free, like I have all the time in the world and I dont have readings to catch up on, exams to study for... etc.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Campus Ghost Stories looked like a "B" movie in the commercials, but I chanced it anyway. It sucked. Not that much, but, uh, well, okay... it sucked. Probably coz of all those high school kids watching. They had their cellphones up trying to take picts of the ghost in the movie. Someone would scream when there's a change in music. ugh. They dont even wait for the ghost to come out. And when the ghost did show, some !@#$ kid screaming "Si Mahal, si Mahal!, aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! " ruined it for me.

*sigh*

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas.

---kzs---

When I still had money...

2005-07-03T03:57:00.000+08:00

... I didnt need nor want anything. But again, as usual, after I spent it all on our horrendously expensive med books, naglabasan na mga gusto kong bilhin/ pgka-gastusan.

Neil Gaiman will be at Gateway sa July 11, if you buy a book you can have it autographed...

Hangang July 4 nlang mga gusto kong cash avatars sa GB...

May concert Good Charlotte sa July 8...

May double promo for the load ulit ang MU from July 15-31...

Wala pa akong Bates and Katzung...

bwishet. (bwiset and shet)
_ _ _ _ _ _

I attended another EB at Megamall... too bad I didnt stay long, my cuz unexpectedly needed company... I got a free dinner and movie out of it though! hehehe

My insane cousin convinced me to ride the mini coaster with her at Megamall (I didnt even know they had one)... we passed the arcade area and the kiddie trains and she suddenly wanted to ride something. thank God ung coaster at di yung kiddie train. lintek, nakita na nga ako sa Manila Zoo, makikita pa ko nakasakay sa kiddie train... how the hell do I explain THAT?! hehehe

oh well. It was fun, ang tagal ng ikot... feeling ko nka 7-10 times ikot nun (nkalimutan na ata ng attendant na may sakay eh... ANG TAGAL... kala ko d n mtatapos) after the 'n'th ikot, we ran out of stuff to scream and shout. Somehow, "Darna!" gets boring after a while.

... naiwan ko lahat ng stock knowledge ko dun... na-displace lahat ng organs ko from the right to my left... waaaaaaah I miss being a kid again... ang saya! wheeeeeee!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

Afterwards we watched Hotel Rwanda. No choice. Napanood na namin lahat ng nandun. Either Hotel Rwanda or Happily Ever After or Nasaan Ka Man. haha. Not a difficult decision.

Peeps, panoorin nyo Hotel Rwanda. No wonder it had so many awards and nominations. Grabe, ok cya. Based on a true story.

It gave me a conscience.

Watch it.

Then ride the coaster afterwards.

kung hinde matutulad kyo sakin...

Tonight, I have decided to dedicate my life to the U.N. / Red Cross and other humanitarian organizations....

tonight lang...

until apathy returns...

---kzs---

Burnout?

2005-06-26T03:24:00.000+08:00

I still cant feel ANYTHING.

Ever since school started... I feel like I've been floating through classes... tutorials... life.

The first module is almost over, and I still cant seem to bring myself to care about my grades... I can't feel the TENSION... the STRESS... shit.

I think I had one summer class too many. I should've just applied for leave of absence this year... but I didnt want to be laid back a year from my batch.

I've been unconsciously isolating myself from life in general... getting lost in music and books. When I go through class or walk through UE, my headset is blaring something in my ear... or my head is playing back something I've heard... or I'm thinking about something I've read or seen... that's when people see the "semi-dazed blank look" on my face. and the fact that I was sick the past week and on meds doesnt help.

SOMETHING has to snap soon. Yoko bumagsak ng IAP.
_ _ _ _ _ _

thanks sa mga bday greetings last week. sorry wla akong ni-rep sa txts. I was sick, I felt crappy and I wasnt in the mood to celebrate.
_ _ _ _ _ _

I'll let you all in my head a bit...

my sis gave me a cd for my bday... this is one of the songs in it. the one that keeps giving me the Last Song Syndrome (LSS)...

Kill -Jimmy Eat World

You're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes around by chance
Or only one way that it was always meant to be
You kill me
You always know
the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up, put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmiser song goes:
'It's just like being alone...'

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
You kill me
You've got some nerve
but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

I can't help it baby
This is who I am
Sorry but I can't just go
turn off how I feel
You kill me
You build me up but just to watch me break
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

and no, im not in love nor mooning over some guy. hahaha. LSS lang to. I got enough problems of my own, 40% of which are imaginary...

---kzs---

Movie Trip

2005-05-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

Sunday. Lapit na pasukan. One week nalang. Kala ko free ako today, I was gonna hang out with my best friend and borrow books (wla kc nag-aalok ng lakwatcha eh, hmph!). Mag-babasa nlng sana ako this week (sori, manang ako =p). But I had to cancel.

For the first time in a very loooong time... nag-alok yung Dad ko ng "family lakwatcha". Sobrang busy kming lahat this summer, kanya-kanyang lakad... ngayon lng kmi lumabas ulit as a family.

Di dapat ako sasama eh, kya lang wlang pagkain sa bahay... so I went. We ate lunch at Tempura and astounded the waiters by ordering (and finishing off) a whole mess of food- and to think 5 out of 6 of us were females... but we eat like a ravenous basketball team. (according to Mom, dont take our dates to our family dinners... bka matakot! hehehe) I tried Wasabe ICE CREAM for the first time... it was... uhm... an acquired taste. hehehe

Then we went to RP where my Dad shocked us by saying he wanted to watch a movie! This may be a normal occurence in most families... but my Dad is an old-school chinese dude. Meaning: no eat fastfood- burgers pizzas spaghetti... no watch movies (except ones in chinese)... no understand english much... no boyfriends (hahaha)... etc etc.

Me: Ha?! Nood ka sine?!?
sis: hindi yan, bka iiwan nya tayo sa mall, may-mmeet yan...
Dad: Oo nga nood ako! Bat ayaw nyo niwala? Nood ako tagalok... (di kc mka-intindi ng english.. )
sis: anong tagalog?
Dad: Kahit ano sine! basta tagalok! Sino sama sakin?
Me: ako, sama ako... at si san... (heck, I was curious... and my dad is too nuts to be left alone)
Dad: saan na sinehan? punta na tayo...

we went to the RP movie theatre... there was a row of movie posters... trying to decide what to watch...

unfortunately, dalawa lang ang tagalog films. La Visa Loca & Bikini Open

Dad: ayaw ko yan! kita mo bastos... hubad hubad babae... (pointing to Bikini Open poster)
Me: so La Visa Loca na? (spare us, tanda na namin noh, as if d pa kmi nakanood ng ganyan...)
sis: Pa, pag di mo kami kasama, manonood ka ba nyan? (points to Bikini Open)
Dad: ayaw! bastos! kita mo hubad, pangit! Bili ka na tiket! (points to La Visa)
(hmmm.. ewan! maniwala kami... haha.)

Then he started wandering around the place... I quickly gave money to my sis to buy tickets and FOLLOWED him before he did something outrageous. I think he does it to mess with us. Shet. Lapit siya sa Tea Square and ordered a "natulal ice tea", took the drink and walked off... ako bayad. (Bwiset! I had to pay for our tickets AND drinks AND popcorn! bastos talaga tatay ko... ma-singil nga nanay ko... wahahahaha!)

I wasnt really looking forward to watching the movie. I'm not fond of tagalog movies. Corny eh... its like watching Spongebob Squarepants, pero wlang story. I already lowered my expectations for the movie... pero dapat pla natulog nalang ako. Sure, like most movies, it has its "moments"... pero la kwenta. As in. Mejo katawa ung ibang parts pero... whatevs! Or sobra lang akong O.C. Ewan! Sayang pera. Crap. Natulog lang naman Dad ko through most of it anyway... Maybe if we watched Bikini Open, we could've at least drooled over the bodies of the actors! wahehehe...

We met up with Mom afterwards and wandered around the mall... pinagod namin sarili namin bago kami umuwi. It was another typical family outing with my clan.

Now I need to clear my head. Ugh!
_ _ _ _ _ _

wala bang mag-aalok sakin ng lakad? ha? please naman?!
_ _ _ _ _ _

Mats, wag nman next weekend... pag free ka weekdays kita tayo...have mercy!!!! Magkaka-radiation poisoning na ko sa kakaharap sa PC at TV...

---kzs---

Finished.

2005-05-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

natapos din ang 5 weeks namin sa MS. all we have to do now is wait. kung pasa, 2nd yr... kung nde, debarred.... hirap mghintay.
_ _ _ _ _ _

ANNOUNCEMENT:

LAHAT NG GIMIKERo-a / LAKWATCHERo-a / MAY GIMIK / MAY LAKAD - TAWAGAN NYO KO! ALIS TAYO! 2 weeks nalang!...

nyahaha!
_ _ _ _ _ _

Ang lakas ng loob ko makipag-EB ng solo. Group EB nman so I figured ok lang. (and yes, nakikipag-EB na ko ngayon!) Times have changed. Dati anti-EB ako... ngayon, sino-solo ko na. Iniisip ko kasi, lahat ng kilala ko puro may connection sa school/Med... I needed a change... meet new people... etc etc

Ang saya pala! I should do it more often! Matitino pla mga forumers/naglalaro ng MU... nag-enjoy ako.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Hmmm... 2 more weeks... should I cut my hair and dye it red again? or blond? or green? Pwede ba pumayat in 2 weeks? Mag-papapayat ba ko? Mag-babasa na ba ako ng Jawetz? Mag-aadik mode sa PC? Mag-linis na kya ako ng kwarto? Movie marathon? Food trip? Road trip? Mang-trip? ano ba?

decisions, decisions...
_ _ _ _ _ _

natutuwa nnman ako kay natalie imbruglia... balik nnman ang appeal ng mga songs nya sakin for some reason...

---kzs---

wth?!

2005-05-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

I knew it... but I didnt expect to be THIS bad...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's" Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Lapit na matapos!

2005-05-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

Third week's over! wahahahahahaha! 2 more weeks and I'm free!!!!

OK nman so far ang exams namin... mahirap pa rin ang tutorials since separate tutorials for bchem/ana/physio. You have to prepare for each. Ugh. At least Dr. Jerez sa physio... hehehehe.
_ _ _ _ _ _

OO nga pla... one of the boyz nanaman ako. Kasama ko lagi si Emman, Hallmark, Matt, and Job. And as they say... kami na ata ang best among the worst. Isipin nyo naman, sa lahat ng modules na pwedeng ibagsak at i-summer, kami lang ang sumabit sa NEURO at MS. 17k ang binayad namin, mas lugi pa ang nagbayad ng 17k for a 3 wk module, at least nilubos namin... 5-6wks kami. wahahahaha! (na-prapraning na ko..)
_ _ _ _ _ _

Makulit rin pla si Emman?! It seems that when there's a lack of topics to to talk about, he inevitably turns our discussions to my love life (or my "lack" of it). Most of the time, I think I just wanna hit him... (peace tayo emman hehehe )

It started with the "usual" question, the one that inevitably starts trouble...
"bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?"
My "usual" answer...
"kasi yoko pa..."

"choice mo ba yun?..." (wth?! what was THAT supposed to mean??)
"huh?"
"I mean, di ba lalaki ang nanliligaw?"
"kaya?! "
"no, I mean lalaki ang nanliligaw, kya di mo choice yun, unless ikaw ang nanliligaw?"
"hinde, eh kung di sagutin ng girl yung guy?! bakit??! manligaw lang yung guy oo na agad? choice pa rin yun ng girl!!!... " (grrr... may pgka-chauvinist pla si emman... )

then he gets into a short tirade 'bout how I should make an effort to be more... girly? gurlash? approachable? something about me being "intimidating/agressive" hindi raw ako maliligawan nyan. tpos joke cya na sana raw wag ako ma-tibo. (at this point.. di ko sure whether to laugh or start bashing his head in )

Sa akin nman, I have a family. I have school. I have great friends. Meaning, I already have a busy life. There's room for a BF in there if one finally manages to squeeze past my defenses... pero mahirap yun. Feeling ko nga may betting pool na ang mga friends ko bout the guy who's finally gonna subdue me. I have the inordinate feeling na hinihintay ng lahat ang time na ma-meet ko yung "katapat" ko. (ayan na, paranoia is setting in...)

Honestly, its hard to feel the need for a boyfriend when I feel na mas-macho pa ko than most guys I know. (totoo naman eh, di ba? ) I have a car, I dont have a curfew, and my parents generally give free rein to what I want to do... they know I'm old enough to have a mind of my own.

ahhh basta, ewan! stupid, disturbing thoughts...

---kzs---

Week 1

2005-04-21T12:45:00.000+08:00

MS is harder the second time around.
_ _ _ _ _ _

All my fears had been confirmed. I HAVE to be afraid. Failing is a very real possibility, one that I wont accept.

Our sched is from 8am-12nn, Monday-Friday. Hey, 4 hours? No sweat... not.

We get 2 hours of tutorials and 2 hours of... whatever (lab, bchem, physio). We got half the day to prepare for the next day's class. No probs, time enough for that.

But you have to look at the "summer vacation" factor... it makes you want to procrastinate. We got trans and old notes anyways...

So the first week basically went like this:

Monday- orientation (got there at 10 am, made us wait till 1 pm, seatwork till 4 pm) , got home, slept.

Tuesday- in by 10 am, grilled by Dr. Quijano till 12 nn (mai-inlove na ko kay emman, titigan lang kami lagi pag may tanong c ma'am na di namin masagot... out of the 2 hrs, mga 15+ mins nasayang namin sa ganun) tpos got home, driver ng pamilya... was able to rest by 9 pm

Wednesday- in by 8 am, lab "kuno"... stayed till 11.30 am, la naman bantay eh, pag-uwi, basa for the next day... nood dvds... kain sa Icebergs, uwi mga 10.30 pm

Thursday- in by 8 am, met Dr. Madarcos for bchem (kami ang nag-lec, grabe... la nanaman kmi masabi) after that, met Dr. Quijano for tutorials (@_@ ewan... I never felt so drained), went out to have car cleaned, had lunch around 3 pm... slept till 9 pm, tapos nood ng Wrestlemania 21 till 11.30 pm (ganda katawan ni John Cena... *drool* wahahahaha). aral till 2am tpos tulog ulit.

Friday- in by 9 am, waited till 10 am (breakfast w/emman at McDo), tapos ginisa nanaman ni Dr. Quijano (grabe, galing nya... feeling ko ang bobo ko... wrestling lang alam ko hehehe)

*sigh* as ya'll can see... I have problems with TIME MANAGEMENT. wahahahaha. ano ba 'to...

I hope I do better next week.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Belated Happy B-day to Ate April... sori d ako naka-dalo nung Friday...

---kzs---

Ramblings

2005-04-15T22:17:00.000+08:00

The past few days were virtually uneventful. I've nothing to blog about. I'm semi-kinda-maybe looking forward to summer classes, it breaks the monotony of my vacation. I went to enroll this morning, saw Dr. Quijano, who requested/commanded me to read on cartilage and bone and stuff. My first official assignment- and we havent even started yet! I knew she was gonna be a slave driver! hehehe. Sayang, di cya pumayag na sa beach mag tutorials. (yes, I asked. oh well.)

bwahahahaha!
_ _ _ _ _ _

Tagal ko na rin di lumalabas. It was nice to be able to go out, watch a movie again (ok ang Finding Neverland). I used to have a movie date once a week, but that stopped after med. Coding ako kaya gabi na naka-uwi. It was fun though. Especially when I was about to go home... I couldnt find my car! and since I removed the alarm, I knew wouldnt be able to find it 'coz it wouldnt make a sound. Freaked me out!

then I remembered... I was at the wrong parking level. !$@*(^%#!!!

vacation dulls the brain.
_ _ _ _ _ _

My vacation cycle is back. Most people wonder why I usually dont reply to texts, dont go out much, dont get a tan, dont get exercise, etc.

well, my circadian rhythm is like a vampire's. I sleep all day/ awake at ungodly hours of the night. I also usually just eat one meal a day pag bakasyon. ok di ba? I love the night, its so cool and quiet. Mornings are too hot, and the shows on TV are boring.

I'm awake from 1 or 2 pm till about 3 to 5 am. Try texting me at around those times, usually you'll get a reply. I dont reply to txts coz by the time I see the messages on my cell, its too late for me to reply.

Kaya kung may planong lakwatcha, sabihin nyo ng maaga!

**pag simula ng summer class, back to "bangag-zombie-I-need-coffee-in-the-morning" mode nanaman ako. sana pwede night school. (eh di lalo akong pinatay ni Quijano? hehehe)
_ _ _ _ _ _

tama na to, my craziness is leaking out...

---ksz---

There's a rainbow always after the rain (or vice-versa?)

2005-04-11T08:18:00.000+08:00

Monday April 11,2005 8:00 AM

I was going to UE later to check if I passed the renal removals.

that was BEFORE Dra.Quijano CALLED me on my landline.

she called to INFORM me that the promo board already had a meeting, and that I was QUALIFIED to take the MS module this summer. You can only take one module in the summer so I probably passsed RENAL. (wait, WAIT... before you call me to celebrate, READ ON...)

so why rush to the PC and make a blog entry? what's the big deal?

I should be happy... and I am. "BUT" there's more.

the good doc also informed me that I am the ONLY ONE taking MS this summer. SOLO ako. ONE ON ONE kmi ni Dra.Quijano. She was making an MS summer curriculum only for ME. and it starts next Monday, April 18.

Dra.Quijano is a great precept... if you're in a GROUP, 'coz there's "safety in numbers" and all that. if you havent had the pleasure of having Dra.Quijano as a precept, lets put it this way... by the time she's done with me, I'll be QUALIFIED to TEACH MS.

Oh Lord, give me strength...
_ _ _ _ _ _

Oist mga peeps, kung may plano pa kyong lakad, this week is IT. 100% no time na ako for anything else pag nag-start na ang summer ko. I could only imagine what Dra.Quijano has in store for me... *shudder*
_ _ _ _ _ _

MATS! FIRST DAY! GOOD LUCK/GOD BLESS! may you be surrounded by gorgeous guys and great bosses! hehehe (na-bura ko ata cell no. mo? d ko sure kung tama ung tnetext ko e, d ka nag-rrep. txt mo nga ako.)

---kzs---

What kind of soul...

2005-04-10T01:22:00.001+08:00

You Are a Warrior Soul

You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.

You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

_ _ _ _ _ _

ayan na, I've succumbed to a lazy blogger's idea of an entry... I took an online quiz and posted the results.
~ shows you how bored/lazy I am.
_ _ _ _ _ _

I'm actually looking forward to summer school. This is bad... I must not get used to the idea of summer class. I might do this again next year for fun. crap.

At least I get allowance.

---kzs---

Panaghoy sa MANILA ZOO

2005-04-03T01:46:00.000+08:00

eto na!...

isa sa pinaka-kwelang araw ng buhay ko.

ang araw na KUMPLETO ang kada sa gimik. (si mica nlang kulang... pinag-palit pa kc kmi sa Canada eh. MICA, COME BACK...!!! )

ang last exam day for the 1st year UST med pranings.

ang weekend before the repro exam ng mga UE peeps.

Ito ang araw na pinag-palit namin ang TAGAYTAY for MANILA ZOO.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Meeting Place: Yulo's Dental Clinic
Grabe... ang usapan mga 10 am... mga 2 pm na ba tayo nka-alis? Ahh basta, ang alam ko lang gutom na ko...

sige, picture muna kayo

Berna, Shara, Mika, Joanna

Mika and Shara... ngiting Yulo Dental Clinic! hehehe

wala ako sa mga pics kasi kumakain ako ng ice cream... ang tagal eh, di na ko nkapagpigil-gutom. Nka-alis rin kmi after a few hours...

Destination: Dampa, Parañaque
Attendance: Mika, Isah, Shara, Kriszia, Nat, Berna, Kari, Mya, Rica & Joanna

Transpo: Isah, Kari, Berna- 3 cars convoy!

as usual, convoy = drag race... nagka-iwanan nanaman en-route to Dampa... muntik na kami ma-puntang airport direcho punta sa Dampa-HK. Buti nlang tama pa yung dinaanan namin...

Pag dating sa Dampa, syempre pictorials muna:

Isah & Mya

Mga Dampa "Pink Ladies"

Isah, Mya, Joanna, Mika
nandun ako sa end ng table kasama si Shara===>>> lumalamon, as usual.

Nang matapos ang pag-papataba namin sa Dampa, naisipan ng kada na mag-lakwatcha muna--

Malling? lagi nalang tayong nag-mmall...
Sine? Sine nanaman...
Tagaytay? sige! tagaytay! ~ay, may test kami ni Berna ng repro... di pwede...
so? san na?...
MANILA ZOO tayo! di pa nka-punta si Nat... seryoso? sige, tara!

Destination: Manila Zoo

Syempre dapat may picture ng Elephant...

Nat and Kari
hehehe background lang ang elephant... (at sino naman kya kumain ng klahati nung twin popsies?)

Tapos pic nung Zebra...

clockwise frm front: Kari, Rica, Mya, Mika, Shara, Nat, Kriszia, Isah
(malamang tinakpan ang Zebra...)

Eto na, at last! nakita namin ang lawa ng Manila Zoo, at di kami naka-tiis:

pink boat: estimated cargo wt- 450 lbs

red boat: estimated cargo wt- 390 lbs (daya! si rica at isah magaan)

picture pag-daan sa bridge

tama na kaka-pose! Ayan, bangga tayo!

Nag-sawa rin kami sa zoo...

E-GRP a.k.a. ~Nathaniel's Angels~
(isang G.F. for every day of the week, Rica excluded.hehehe)

After the Zoo Experience, tambay kami ng Baywalk up to 10pm ba tayo nun? Nagsi-uwian din sa pagod ang mga tao after that.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*sigh* kya 3.0 lang Repro grade ko...

---kzs---

Empathize!

2005-03-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

isah, salamat sa idea.
_ _ _ _ _ _

I take the Renal removals Tuesday. Since most of my friends are born geniuses with innate "kasipagan"... they wont ever have to experience taking a removal exam. I am happy for y'all. Sobra.

BUT, I dont want to suffer taking a test alone. So I'm posting a mini "correlate quiz" here on my blog so that you'll know what you're missing. Nothing too hard, just some stuff that you may or may not know about me. This is all done in the name of FUN and MED LYF so pls answer it. And while you're taking my quiz, think about me and all the others taking removals... and PRAY for us.

KZS' CORRELATE QUIZ
(mpl to be posted after deliberations...)
*note* Kopyahan?... wag lang kayong pa-huli sakin

Take the Test!
===>> CLICK HERE <<===

ang ma-D.A. kailangan i-libre ako ng lunch para mapatawad ko ...

---kzs---

PRESSURE

2005-03-30T01:47:00.000+08:00

Hay naku aubs, wla nanaman akong ma-isip i-blog. Punta ka nalang sa blog ni Joy, bka may bago...

I'm not much of a writer, I'm more of a reader. I only blog as a form of "quid pro quo"... I update, you update... and I get something new to read. hehehe
_ _ _ _ _ _

I havent forgotten about my plans to create a blog entry about funkmaster "O". But I have to put it off for a while.... I have to follow my priorities first. Sorry Oliver.

PRIORITIES:

1. Red Cross (malas, cant get out of it...)
2. Renal (cant get out of this either)
3. Spongebob Squarepants The Movie (hehehe wla lang, trip.)
4. MS summer (I have to pass renal first, *sigh*)
5. Tagaytay (sana matuloy)
6. Laguna (sana matuloy din)
7. HK (bka sa sunod na sem break nlng)
8. Find a BF (preferably rich)
9. Have kids (preferably twins!)
... ... ... !!!

wahahahaha! joke lang po... bka gawin ko after ng Spongebob Movie or MS... or pag sinipag.

oh well....
_ _ _ _ _ _

I dont know why I keep giving you peeps the material to tease me with... must be the masochist in me.
_ _ _ _ _ _

SOMETHING NEW!!! gumawa pla ako ng Xanga account para lang mka-comment ako sa mga Xanga blogs na walang tagboard... para rin ma-link nyo na ako. Here's the add: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kzs

---kzs---

BOREDerline Insanity

2005-03-26T02:46:00.000+08:00

there is something about "vacations" that dont agree with me.

maybe coz for the past 4 years I've had a lack of it.

and once again... this year... *sigh*

dont get me wrong, I love a good long break as much as the next student, but the years I've had of straight studying made me a bit "time-intolerant".

I AM BORED AS HELL.

too much excess time, too little stress. what's a med student to do?

I need coffee.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I had a nice surprise a few days back... a belated "gift". Thanks Phonezia. I've been watching to keep boredom at bay... but... I already finished 'em... hehehe. thanks again.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I CAN GET MY CAR BACK WITHIN THE WEEK... YAY!!!!!! (hmm... just in time for Red Cross and Summer)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My brain doesnt work as well as it should when there is a decreased secretion of... hehehe joke lng.

AAAARGGGGH!!!! I'm going nuts! My brain cant seem to function... I cant think in straight thoughts... cant BLOG in single subjects...

and if I have to watch another "7TH HEAVEN" episode... I'm gonna * * *...

I CAN'T GET @&^$!)*&^@$% 7TH HEAVEN THEME SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!! its driving me freakn insane!

7th Heaven
When I see their happy faces smilin' back at me.
7th Heaven
I know there's no greater feeling than the love of the family
Where can you go? When the world don't treat you right?
The answer is home, that's the one place that you'll find.
7th Heaven
Mmmmmm, 7th Heaven
7th Heaven.

crap. mahawa sana kyo.

--kzs--

Third Time's the Charm...

2005-03-06T14:06:00.001+08:00

I can't believe it!?!... I can't F*CKN believe it!? NOT AGAIN....!?!? AAARGGHH!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _

Most people can go through their whole LIVES without EVER experiencing it.

I guess...

but I'm not like most people.

NA-BANGGA NANAMAN AKO!!! waaaahhh!!!

bat ba lagi nalang ako na-babangga? may balat ba ko somewhere?! ano ba?! WHY ME?! kahit anong ingat ko mag-drive tinatamaan ako! may malaking TARGET ba na nka-drawing sa car ko? please lang... kaka-inis na... I dont even feel frightened of getting hit anymore. na-mamanhid na ko...

1st time - hit by a Toyota Van, I got right of way... dumirecho sya sa pag-turn w/o slowing down... he hit my RIGHT back door... my sis was in the back.

2nd time - hit by a JEEP, made me do a 90 deg. turn, dragged me a couple of feet... wrecked my car... mali daw inapakan nya, gas instead of brakes...

3RD TIME - got hit by a F*CKN truck! 12 wheeler raw ba? now my LEFT back door is WRECKED... that same sis was in the back.

at least this time my mom was in front with me... now she KNOWS it wasnt my fault. sa likod kami tnamaan eh. (I'm sick and tired of defending my driving skills each and every g*ddamn time I get hit... la naman naniniwala na di ko ksalanan eh... just coz i'm a girl etc etc...) BUT TWICE I get hit from the REAR, ako pa rin mali?!... and the f*ckn driver had the AUDACITY to ask if I was going to turn left to E. Rod... amp*, well duh?! pauwi na ko, I was going straight, you boob!!... I wouldnt be in the middle lane if I was gonna turn... (this happened yesterday, Saturday night, Araneta cor E.Rod)

in fairness, the truck driver admitted it was his fault... must've been my Dad shouting at him na "yung buong pamilya ko nasa sasakyan!" that scared him. They assured us that they have insurance and that they'll pay for my car's damage.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Hoy Garet! Grabe naman, ang lakas ng radar mo! nadaanan mo pa ang nabanggang sasakyan ko nung Sabado! alam mo ba, nung paalis na kami, may nag-banggaan naman na dalawang Taxi sa likod namin? hahaha! kakatawa... at least nandun na yung imbestigador...

--kzs--

Valentines Blog Update Sigh

2005-02-17T16:51:00.002+08:00

In the beginning, Hallmark ® created Valentine's Day...

And then there was HELL.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I should've known. I should've stayed in bed. I should've looked at my pealing alarm clock, thrown it out the window, and gone right back to sleep....

I got to school early, I usually do when we have Exams. I wasn't ready... I never am... I hate exams, and exams hate me.

Anyways, I parked the car then sat in there to study. Then the parking guy informs me that my left rear TIRE is FLAT, as in roadkill FLAT! *crap. bad. day.*

I decided to leave it 'till after my exam... and so I went to class and took the test.

I accidentally missed a number, so I shaded about 5 numbers WRONG... I was too cheap to pay for a new P50 answer sheet, so I left it as is. (a few days later, I learn I would've passed if I got those 5 nos. *crap. again.* )

So after the exam, I got "the boys"- Oliver, Bley, Albert, Jafer and Job to help me change my tire. I know I have a spare, but I dont know the condition it's in.

Turns out, its also FLAT. (I wanted to scream...) The boys were teasing me mercilessly... *as usual* but they helped me, so I decided NOT to KILL them.

On their advice, I went off to a vulcanizing shop to have my tires checked. No holes/leaks (good, the day is gettin' better...)

Then I went back to school , parked, went to Biochem lab. When I got back, there was something stuck to my windshield. A heart-shaped pillow on a stick w/a card... From: "Secret Admirer"

First thought : I SHOULD'VE KILLED THOSE IDIOTS. -*aargh*
2nd: Hmm... maybe its not them...
3rd: Hell yes, its them! I can see it in the parking guy's grin. (Oliver, Bley, wag kasing barkadahin si Rodel)

Few peeps know my license plate. Out of those, only three people would dare... would actually think I'd fall for THAT...
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Confession

I sent Albert a vague txt message thanking him, Bley and Oliver for "everything" and greeting them a Happy Valentines Day.

They spent the next few days asking me about it, waiting to see if I'd ask 'em or at least tell 'em about the lollipop pillow heart (hehehe, eh ganun itsura nun eh...)

You know the thing about me? Laging "N.R." as most people would say?

Well, No Reaction = I can lie with a straight face. (well, most of the time... kung mapigilan ko ang tawa... )

Kanina, Di na nakapag-pigil si Bley:

B: oi, narinig ko may nakita ka raw sa sasakyan mo ah
kzs: alin dun? (of course, pa-simple muna...)
B: nung Valentines-
kzs: -kasi TATLO (hehehe kapal ko...) yung gifts na naka-lagay sa sasakyan ko nung Valentines eh. alin dun yung tinatanong mo? Yung nka-ipit sa windshield, yung nka-patong sa hood...?
B: ha?!... tatlo?... (fell for it! shet, dapat na-picturan kita Bley! wahahaha!)

kzs: . . .
B: oi kzs, eto aaminin ko na, yung pillow sa amin ni Albert at Oliver galing... may nakuha ka pang iba? ano?! (YES!!! I knew it. GOTCHA!~ bwahahahaha! )
*calls Albert and Oliver*: ei, umamin na ako, sinabi ko na na tayo yung pillow, may nakuha pa raw siyang iba... nka-lagay rin sa sasakyan...
O: wow lupet.. may nakuha ka pang iba? ano? kanino galing? sige na, sabihin mo na... (sht, I .. have to.. I can.. barely.. contain.. laughter.. )
kzs: secret...

~and the rest is history~

si Albert lang ang di gaanong kumagat. (may hinala, ndi sure. wlang proof. hehehe) *tsk*tsk* too bad.
fafa Albert, may araw ka rin.

btw, SALAMAT sa lolli-pillow. I ENJOYED getting it. hehehe

-kzs-

I.S.P. BONANZA!!! (Independent Study Period)

2005-01-24T16:26:00.001+08:00

Finally. After a few weeks of cramming and reading and memorizing and staying up late and cramming and reading and memorizing AND... coffee!, tapos na ang GIT module. PAPASA-Diyos ko na yung grade dun. oh well.

On to Renal module. God's gift to med students (I hope). Pero mas ok na to' puro ISP's! ... kahit gross and histo and physio ok lng, mejo na-iintindihan naman. AND sa BIOCHEM... and genetics! bwahahahaha! CENTRAL DOGMA AGAIN!!! -UST Bio peeps... you know what I mean. madali na to' sa atin...

MY TOP TEN STUFF TO DO during my ISPs:
-duh!? Independent Study Period nga eh... eh di aral! hahahaha!

but no, SERIOUSLY:

1. BLOGblogBLOGblog

2. play MU Online (buff me! buff me! )

3. zzZzleep

4. read Bley's Christmas Gift, the Tagalog novel (".. hindi lang alam ni Adrian na matagal ko na siyang mahal. Lihim na minamahal...") bwahahahaha! OMG! kakatawa

5. watch SpongebobSquarepants (or something equally moronic)

6. count the number of spiders in our bathroom ( mga 10 ata...)

7. clean our 100 gallon aquarium (I can't see my fishies! )

8. clean my room (I can't find my SNELL...? must be under all the GIT trans...)

9. clean my car (I can't find... the car...? )

10. Make another worthless top ten list, pa-lipas oras lang.

MATAGAL TO', I better get started.

Careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy is extremely hot.

2005-01-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

In preparation for the 1st GIT exam on Monday, I went to the "library" along West Ave... the 2nd floor of Starbucks, Saisaki side.

As usual, the place was packed with med students, making it easier for me to study. (You would look dumb if you just sat there sipping coffee while the whole damned room was full of students studying...)

Anyways, I spent the whole Sat afternoon studying anatomy - I was using Netter but I had to stop 'coz the penis in the illustrations (meron, sa abdomen parts nkalabas) was attracting the attention of passing customers. I gave up on the coffee drinking and the studyng around 9pm (parang la naman pumapasok eh).

Sunday morning had to be wasted on attending my kid cousin's bday party (no offense, but i was there for the food hehehe), then on to Megamall where I wanted to see the G2 Show (Games and Gadgets Show). I stayed long enough to get freebies - net cards, game installers, mags, etc.

I still had to study physio, bchem, micro and prev med. Shit.

I think God was forcing me to study 'coz I had two invitations to meet up and study... one from Gretch and Beth sa Seattle's Best, the other from Nat and Isah sa Starbucks. (hay grabe... puro aral... puro kape... hehehe)

Di ako nka-habol kna Gretch kc 12nn nila gusto meet... nasa Mega ako nun. Humabol nlang ako kay Nat at Isah around 6pm. Grabe, TOXIC ung dalawang un mag-aral. I finally got around to studyng bchem and physio (sana may pumasok). Bhala na ung iba.

SANA PUMASA.

-kzs-

Happy Holi-daze!

2004-12-31T15:37:00.000+08:00

Christmas reunion on the 24th was "virtually" uneventful. Had the usual family gathering... ate enough food for 3 people... then went home to sleep it off. After Christmas, i spent the next three days being my mom's driver and hit the malls and chinatown.

Then Wednesday came, mom woke me around 12nn (cut me some slack, I sleep at 5 am) to take her to the bank then to the hospital. My "gua-kong" (grandfather) was at the emergency room at Chinese Gen. having palpitations. We got there around 1-1.30pm coz the bank was slow (daming tao kc, last day ng bank). We found him in the ER hooked up to a cardioscope, my Aunt was with him by then.

The readings of the cardioscope looked like stock market figures -H.R.... 70... 125... 84... 175...?!

We paid for a room and waited up to 3pm till he got transferred to his room. Stubborn old coot didnt want to stay in the hospital. Sez he wants to go to Metro for a 2nd opinion (ayaw pa-confine, nag-hahanap ng excuse, ugh.) Mom finally got him to settle down.

Now the wait for my Grandma starts.

She had an "appointment" she didnt want to miss, a.k.a. "swimming" (mah-jong). We all had to cover for her. She finally arrived around 11pm. Enter Grandma:

"Ano, ok na?"
guakong (in chinese): "tingnan natin bukas sa sementeryo"

(Sarap batukan mga matatatandang 'to) Anyways, I spent the next two days in the hospital with my mom and grandma. Pag-iniiwan ako ksama lolo ko, kung anu-ano na sinasabi (in chinese lahat):

"Pwede bang lakasan yung drip (nung dextrose), para maubos na?" (... uhm...)
"Wag ka mag-aasawa ng Pilipino." (nge, big surprise)
"Tapusin mo muna pag-aaral mo, wag ka muna mag-asawa." (whatever)
"Pag-doctor ka na... pag buhay pa ko... ikaw na gagamot sakin." (ewan! sobra morbid)

He finally got released this morning. Dunno who's more relieved, him or us.

====== oooo ====== oooo ======

Now, its Friday. May pasok na Monday. WHERE DID MY VACATION GO?! waaaaaaahh!!! di man lang ako naka-lakwatcha ng one last time...

makikita ko nanaman mga kalog ng UE... hehehe

====== oooo ====== oooo ======

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! stupid year's about to end...yay! at least we got something to look forward to.

---kzs---

Latter Days... the "other" side

2004-12-21T02:44:00.000+08:00

Christian, a hunky West Hollywood party boy gets more than he bargains for when he tries to seduce Elder Aaron Davis, a sexually confused Mormon missionary who moves into his apartment complex. When Christian exposes Davis' secret sexual desire, Davis' rejects Christian for being shallow and empty. The encounter shatters each boy's reality and draws the two into a passionate romance that risks destroying their lives. Latter Days is a charming, sexy, and moving tale that will leave you believing in the transformational power of love.***

nope, I'm not making this up. Its the plot of the movie Latter Days, which I recently watched on dvd. I'm not really into romantic movies but I was curious... (hehehe) IT HAS A GAY THEME! (duh) which made it interesting, and instead of the usual girl/girl makeout scenes that hollywood likes to stick in movies, it has... well, you get the idea.

Honestly, I watched it 'coz i was really curious, most romantic films that have heterosexual protagonists have the usual boring plots - they meet (bump) each other, take one look, falls in looove, spends the rest of the movie either

1) doing stupid stuff to get him/her to fall in love, or
2) defying odds/destiny/their families/etc just to be together.

You've seen one romantic flick, you've seen 'em all. I mean, how many new twists can people come up with just to make romantic films interesting?

ENTER: 2 males - kissing scenes, SEX scenes (not explicit, but... hehehe.)

Anyways, I actually didnt think they could make this flick work... dont get me wrong, i'm not a homophobic bigot, but I thought that a movie with homosexual male characters might not effectively show "romantic" love without making it look, well, either brotherly or skanky. This movie was a surprise though - they actually made it work, made the love between these two people seem... natural, normal. It gives "straight" people a peek into the UNKNOWN or at least challege their preconceived notions on homosexual relationships. Its a good movie, not OSCAR-winning good, more like Teen's Choice Awards. But at least it didnt suck too much (no pun intended).

***got this off the back of the dvd

-kzs-

Fict-ure of us...

2004-12-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

kzs and eDz, at a cousin's debut... sino mas maganda? Comment kayo! paramihan... hehehe

NARCOLEPSY... or whatever!

2004-12-08T16:50:00.000+08:00

I'm on a train, but there's no one at the helm.
And there's a demon in my brain, that starts to overwhelm,
And there it goes, my last chance for peace,
I lay me down, But I get no release.

I try to keep awake, I try to swim beneath,
But still I find this narcolepsy slide,
Into another nightmare.

And there's a demon in my head,
Who starts to play,
A nightmare tape loop
of what went wrong yesterday,
And I hold my breath
'Till it's more than I can take,
And I close my eyes; I dream that I'm awake.

I try to keep awake, I try to keep awake
But still I find this Narcolepsy slides
Into another nightmare...
*~ 3rd Eye Blind, Narcolepsy ~*

grabe, past few days talaga ganito feeling ko, and not just coz of that stupid DA i got in MS-HN... I just feel more stoned than usual... not depressed, but stoned.

stoned = brain dont work... dont particularly feel anything... reality has yet to catch up... *stares off into space, sleeps into oblivion*

why HAVE been I feeling like this lately? 'coz Christmas is near? biological clock ticking? (god, I hope not! hehe) PMS? Stress? Constipation? (wahahaha!) or maybe i've always been like this... *sigh*

somebody... wake me up! please!

-kzs-

Crappy looong "weekend"

2004-12-04T01:47:00.000+08:00

wtf!? i'm not "supposed" to be DOING anything! 2 days of suspended classes... added to sat and sun... I ought to be grateful, instead...

@$#^$&*%*(^@#!

I hate having work dumped on me! I just know I'm gonna cram it the night before classes anyways... SH*T! I always get the short end of the stick.

I thought college . . . . sucked.

I thought I was over my homicidal tendencies.

hellooo med school.

kzs

SABADO

2004-11-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

8:00 am

Saturday again... hooray for the looooong weekend!

It means that i dont have to study till Sunday.

I can waste my whole Saturday! Woohoo!

----------------------

5:00 pm

Ugh... spent the day playing MU Online with my sisters at the nearest net cafe... turned out ok, had fun, enjoyed ourselves.... till we went to pay for the time we spent playing.

we were the only females in the whole establishment.

yuck lang... nag-fifeeling yung manong na nagbabantay ng counter.

---kzs---

Uh... sure...

2004-11-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Napansin nyo ba na pag ang tatay mo nag-inarte ok lang kahit di mo ganong pansinin? Mawawala rin yun.

Pero pag ang nanay mo ang tinamaan ng sumpong... parang may nagawa kang isang malaking "kamalian-na-pwedeng-magtapon-sayo-sa-impyernong" kasalanan. Di mo ma-tanggihan.

Mababaw lang pero...

Kaka-uwi mo lang at hihingi ng pabor... walang kwenta ang mga batugan mong kapatid... sayo nanaman umaasa...

cge, ok lang.

uto-uto talaga ako.

Its now past 10pm. I just spent more than an hour sticking footprints around the floor of my mom's kindergarten classroom... dont ask.

---KZS---

Trapped

2004-10-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in an inescapable situation? where you feel like you just want to kill yourself just to get out of it? something sooo dreadfully horrible that most kids would rather fake illness than go through it? Yes, i am talking about....

the family road trip.

there's nothing like being locked in a car with your whole family in a Manila traffic jam... its a whole bonding experience all to itself. Especially when your dad's a real "character".

But this time, its unavoidable. we have to go to the cemetery. ARGH!

the whole ride to Parañaque-Manila Memorial, Pa's questions revolved around:

"ano sabi mga kaklase mo sa tatay mo? Gwapo daw? gwapo? Parang kuya daw?..."
"Gusto mo nanay mo si Ara Mina nalang?..."
"anong ligaw-ligaw?! hindi pwede! ako ligaw sa nanay nya gusto mo?..."
"oi tanda, sinisira mo lelationship namin ng anak mo..." (to mom, pag pinapatigil kakulitan nya)
"Pogi ba tatay mo? pogi?"

when you've memorized his whole spiel, then you know something's wrong...
*sigh*

--- KZS ---

GHosts...

2004-10-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

wala lang... for Halloween katuwaan...

I have this prayer... that i never, EVER, want to see ghosts or anything supernatural... my sister, eDz, sees 'em sometimes so i figured, one is enough for our family.

so bakit ka nagpakita?!

last tuesday night, i came home tired from a bball game and had just parked my car under a tree in front of my house. now i have this weird habit of polishing my black shoes before leaving them in the car... tsinelas lang ako pag nag-mamaneho... anyways, i was doing just that- polishing my shoes standing outside beside my car... lagpas na ng 9.30 so wlang gaanong sasakyan dumadaan... tapos i "thought" i saw a girl wearing white under the tree... pero nung tiningnan ko, wala naman. thinking that i was just too tired... i continued polishing my shoe (yah yah, weirdo, i know...) tapos kala ko nakita ko nanaman... pero wala naman... this happened 3 times.

since i was a sensible apathetic med student (hehehe) i attributed this apparition as a figment of my overstressed and fatigued brain.

pero naisip ko rin "i better ask eDz if she ever sees anything under that tree...". yun nga lang, sa pagod ko, i forgot all about it and just went to bed.

wednesday night.

eDz was in mom's room watching telenovelas and we got to talking about stuff. then she suddenly remembered something that she wanted to tell me... and i remembered the thing i wanted to ask her...

"chi, may tatanong ako syo..."

"-- wait! ako muna! may nakikita ka ba ever sa ilalim ng puno sa harap ng gate? babae? na naka-white?..."

while i was saying this, eDz suddenly gripped both my hands...

"chi, pano mo nalaman?! sakto description mo...?"

it seems that that afternoon, on her way home from school, eDz saw a girl wearing white looking through our front gate... she thought it was one of our friends waiting outside the gate (coz it looked like she was looking for someone, shet) or me wearing my white uniform. but when she drew near, there was no one there.

eDz was gonna ask me if we had visitors that afternoon. damn.

we didnt get much sleep that night. bangag nanaman ako ng thursday. argh.

- - - - - - - - - - -

naisip ko lang... kamusta na kaya si Aubs at Garet? nakaka-curious yung mga gamit na pinapadala ng Days sa kanila...